i haven't seen her cry since she was 11.
before that she was the most sensitive person ever, she would cry if you said the simplest thing about her.
but she found a way to hide her emotions all of them.
maybe every once in a while you would see her smile if you were her younger siblings.
but she wasn't always so gleeful.
her parents destroyed her.
they've always left her out. but why?
was she to ugly. to dumb. or was she just unwanted.
she always wanted her parents to love her but no matter what she did it was never good enough.
she acted as she didn't care.
but at the same time she did.
deep down it always hurt her.
all she ever wanted was to be loved.
the only people she reached out to was her grandparents they were the only people who listened to her.
but sadly they moved away for medical reasons.
leaving her alone once again.
her parents weren't home 9 times outta 10.
leaving there children with the house staff.
but she didn't want her siblings to be raised by people who were nothing to them.
she always tried to stay in there lives no matter how difficult it was.
although it was stupid knowing she could have also left her siblings.
but she wasn't the type to do so.
she was now 14 a freshman in high school.
and school life wasn't any better she barely had any friends at school.
probably why you never really saw her there.
or at home.
or anywhere really.
she spent most of her time at her spot.
her spot was a view of the city the most beautiful at that but she was the only one whoever went up there.
it wasn't to far from school or home.
plus it wasn't like anyone would look for her.
that was the thing.
she knew no one would come looking for her or even ask about her.
which is why she did what ever she wanted.
not like anyone was waiting for her.
not her younger siblings. or nanny. or friends. or mom & dad.
or me.
she felt lonely.
knowing no one would listen her.
knowing i wouldn't take a few minutes out of my day to make sure she was ok.
she wouldn't have talked though.
i'd known her since she was born but yet i barely even knew her.
i never thought she wanted me to be involved in her life.
no one did.
she made everyone think she didn't need anyone.
we should have known a girl always needs someone to look out for her.
but we didn't do it.
i didn't do it.
i never thought she needed it.
but now i know to always check up on them.
but its always better to be sure then sorry.
right.
always better to have them here then gone.
you never really know what people are hiding.
because if you were like her it was hard to tell what she was feeling.
she never showed emotion.
not even when she struggled most.
not even when she needed it.
she always told herself it was her fault.
it was her fault her parents didn't care for her.
it was her fault she had to care for her siblings.
it was her fault she was unlovable.
it was her fault for waiting this long.
but she still had one dream she wanted to make come true.
to get past her biggest fear.
but on the day of 1/21/22 she waited no more.
that day was the day she got past it.
the thing was she always said her biggest fear was dying.
but hey she made herself proud.
she was finally free.
even if it hurt her siblings.
or the people she loved.
even then her parents didn't make time to come say there last goodbyes to there daughter.
and ever since then i've made sure they feel the guilt.
because if it wasn't for them i would have still had my little sister.
and to my sister im so sorry i never made time for you. i loved you and i hope you knew that. know i have to live with the fact that you are gone now. but at least you got what you wanted. finally getting the life you wanted.
Resting at last Jocelyn A. P
05/12/07-1/21/22
