Hoodie Girl

ᑕᕼᗩᑭTᗴᖇ TᗯO

Although people will never believe me, body positivity is negative in a way.

It makes people believe that you should love yourself just the way you are, yet posts things like lose weight and constantly encourages people to do just that.

But it goes beyond the good of our health, to the point of diets that are worthless and not giving us enough to eat, to saying that we should stick to everything they say because they actually love themselves and we don't.

That's not even the point, the judge us on whether we are skinny or fat or have any body type that isn't their's or the one they want us to have.

If we are too skinny then we don't eat and apparently have anorexia.

If we are "fat" or more than skinny, we're obese.

We constantly change who we are for these people who don't know what is best for us.

They tell us to love ourselves, but its normal to have insecurities, and lets be honest, the only reason we're insecure is because of them.

Am I wrong for thinking that?

Maybe I am, maybe i'm not, truth is we don't know, we might never know.

But our insecurities hurt us. They kill us, inside and out. I personally just don't think about peoples body's. If they need comforting, I will comfort them, but never have I thought about someones body. It is something you live in and something you use but not something to constantly think about. Yet even though some people don't do it to others, they do it to themselves. And others do it to them.

Like ballet teachers.

"Suck your stomach in, I can see your lunch! I said plié, not sink to the ground! Why can I still see your stomach Alice?"

I glance over, seeing Alice about to cry. I wanted to give her a big hug in that moment but Madame Dubois snapped, "Heads ahead!"

Walking to the middle of the room she observes us, calling out our flaws as we scramble to correct them.

"Okay, stop! That's enough!"

We stop facing her, our heads hung low.

"You want to be dancers yet this is what you are presenting me? You're absolutely terrible!" She closed her eyes as though trying to keep her patience, "Be better. Practice tonight and be prepared to dance perfectly tomorrow. You're dismissed," she ended, walking out the room, sighing in disappointment. We watched her leave and as soon as she disappeared from sight, Alice burst into tears.

I run over to comfort her.

"Alice, i'm sorry."

What they say affects us. Yet they will never know.

"I bet shes fat and thats why she wears a hood."

"Bro, she's skinny as fuck, that's why she wears a hood."

"Fucking ugly whore."

"Such a slut, she's trying to get all the boys attention."

"Why she built like that?"

They say they will save us, but we haven't saved. We have already been broken, and you can't put us back together.
____________________________________

"Guys you will not believe who I saw yesterday," Julia said as she walked in, sitting next to me, first period.

Guess Nick was gonna have to find another spot, though he wouldn't find much trouble with it. Glancing briefly at her, I had the audacity to hope she wasn't talking about me. The universe decided that was a no-go.

"There was this girl dancing yesterday, in the rain, in the middle of the rode. It was beautiful, she seemed so calm, so serine. But she ran off before I had a chance to find out who it was."

Kate sends me a brief look, and looking Julia in the eyes replied, "Don't bother, everyone knows who she is, but no one knows her."

Julia furrows her brows, "What do you mean?"

"Nothing," Kate smiles sweetly.

Wow, way to go Kate. Damn so overprotective. Although I didn't have too much of a problem with it.

Julia ignores her, and takes a sip of her coffee, not letting it affect her. She had on a blue top on with stars, moons, and planets splattered across it. Her leather jacket sat on her shoulders bringing out the bright blue in her eyes, and her black skirt that had two pockets-which instantly made me fall in love with it-crinkled and swayed, as though she were controlling it. Her short brown hair curled and framed her face.

Kate was busing drawing in one of her books-the making of a face of a classmate three seats away from us laughing, blooming from the page- had ink blossoming on her fingers. Her soft blue cardigan had white clouds drifting across it and her loose blue jeans had rips in them. Her hair, bright as fire, fell loosely across her face.

I smiled softly, this was peaceful. The silence of the room in which was just us.

Soon the busyness of people would interrupt us, this silence, but I wanted to soak up as much of this I could.

Silence was a strange thing, dull and sharp yet deep and strange. It was like an ocean, deep and dark and yet no one dare venture too deep, for fear of not coming back.

I don't know why but I believe that silence would be blue, not for sadness, but for peace, and tranquility and every peaceful, independent moment on earth.

Happiness would be yellow, not because it is often that, or because Hufflepuffs house is yellow snd they are often misinterpreted as happy, but because the sun is yellow. And the sun gives us life. We should be happy about that.

Even so the sun is a ball of fire, close to killing you, yellow would stand for happiness, yet also having the knowledge that things do get bad, so having acceptance also.

People are deep creatures, horrible yes, and empathetic sometimes, also yes but we are still creatures in a way because just like we don't know everything about the earth and how it was formed, we barely know anything about ourselves.