A vent book

Downhill

Trigger warning
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Hi, so I'm now dating a non-binary I love them! But That's the only good thing out of this year so let's start from the beginning. 12/28/21 I had gotten in a argument with my toxic friend who sexually assaulted and harassed me many times and on 12/1/22 they blocked me on everything and during that time my mental health had been killing me slowly but oh well💅😀 she did unblock me bin 1/12/22 because my mom killed my puppy at 8:37am I'm still not over it as the dog was my only reason to live and my shitty mom killed her at two years five months. I already hated my mom because she's a abusive shit and a neglectful alcoholic that kicked me out in September and now wants me back :| and then my toxic friend became my friend again :/ so about a week ago and four days ago I cut her out my life this is what I said "You know what fuck this, you always ignore me and we barely talk and when we do I feel like shit because of the fear of you leaving them coming back you only came back because my puppy died "I am mad at you" FOR WHAT! FOR DEFENDING SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU POSTED SOMETHING THAT MADE THEM UNCOMFORTABLE. "I'm sorry".. "it's okay" it's not okay you can't treat someone like shit and say you didn't then play victim then expect them to accept your apology. "I'll change, I'll be better" YOU always say it then I become your friend again then you treat everyone nicely but then you treat me like I'm some toy that you can just mess with then say it hurt you when that "toy" was there for you and tried to help you. I never talked like this because I try my best to not snap at someone but you always have time for others but not me you never text, call anything! I JUST WANTED TO BE YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS BUT NOOO I WAS A BAD PERSON I NEVER TOLD ANYONE THAT YOU WHERE BAD EVEN IF WE WERNT FRIENDS I DIDN'T TALK SHIT ALL I SAID WAS "The friendship was bad and we both are okay without each other I don't wanna say much as it's private" I NEVER SAID YOU WHERE BAD I NEVER TOLD ANYONE YOU WHERE TOXIC. I ALWAYS MADE TIME FOR YOU BUT YOU WHERE TO BUSY TALKING TO YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS WHO HATE ME BECAUSE YOU PLAYED FUCKING VICTEM. I TRIED MY BEST TO BE THERE WHEN YOU NEEDED ME BUT YOU NEVER TRIED YOU MADE HATE MYSELF. I ignored the red flags because I fucking cared for you but you guilt tripped me by saying you where going to kill yourself if I left but now that I'm trying to take care of myself and fix my mental health I see you never did you talked shit behind my back and denied it when I asked I hate having to bottle this up because I always been wanting to just fucking say it but I didn't wanna hurt you because I didn't want you to die I know your joy of talking to me was fake because I heard everything you did/said about me yea I know you hate me just fucking say that you do. Talk behind my back, tell everyone that I hurt you, just keep lying because I know you will I'm not afraid of you anymore I'm not afraid of you turning people against me because I've talked to someone about being afraid to lose them because of you their the only person I am afraid of losing know other then my lover. Why do you treat me like this? Why do you hate me? Why do you deny that you did stuff? Why do you play victim? Why?" Then she responded with "okay" bruh. I was sent to the mental hospital for self harm and suicide two times SO LIFE IS KINDA KICKING ASS. I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety finaly 🤪.
L life