𝙰 𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚅𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎

✩ Remus ☽

[chapter cover credits to @lunopal]

"I hate Valentine's day," Remus grumbled as James pulled his bed curtains back, letting dawn light stream into his tired eyes.

"C'mon mate!" James said cheerfully, ruffling Remus' hair. He sounded hopeful even though Lily has been saying for weeks that she doesn't like him.

"Look what happened last year," Remus says, pulling the covers up and over his chin. "James was sent a box of chocolate spiked with love potion which Peter then ate without realizing it was meant for someone specific and he spent the whole day and night thinking he was in love with someone and we had to lock him in the wardrobe."

The other boys chuckle at the memory as they pull clothes on.

"You can't say Valentine's Day isn't fun!" Sirius says, buttoning his shirt up, his muscly quidditch player chest on show. Remus has to pull his eyes away, afraid of not being able to stop staring if he gazed any longer. "Something brilliant always happens."

"It's alright for you," James says, looking in the mirror and running a hand through his hair, making his usual minimal effort. "You get a new girl every year to enjoy it with, I'm still waiting for Lily to realize that she loves me."

"What do you mean 'a new girl every year'?" Sirius replies, faking sounding offended.

"It's true!" Peter chimes in, inspecting a box of chocolate carefully.

"Well, this year it might be different," Sirius says pointedly.

James snorts and Peter shakes his head, rolling his eyes. Meanwhile, Remus has to stop himself from sitting bolt upright.

"Said Sirius Black never!" James says, throwing a heart-shaped cushion at him.

Sirius catches it and looks at it. "Why in Merlin's beard have we got a red heart in here?"

"Never know when you might need it," James says as if it was obvious.

Remus rolls his eyes. "So this year you're not going to get with anyone?" He looks at Sirius, trying not to sound too interested.

"I never said I wouldn't get with anyone but I'm not doing my usual 'I'll get with the first girl who latches onto my arm' thing this year."

Peter stands up and gets the cushion chucked smack into his face. "Merlin Sirius!" He says as it lands at his feet.

"Ooh, have you got a girl this year?" Sirius says as he brushes out his hair in front of the mirror, nudging James out the way with his elbow.

"Yeah, and you're not finding out who," Peter says pulling on his denim jacket and opening the door. "I'll see you all later."

Jame and Sirius exchange a glance then shrug.

"What about you Moons?" Sirius says, looking at him in the mirror. "What are doing today?"

Remus shrugs and doesn't let his eyes meet Sirius'. "The same as usual- I'll be here or in the library or the common room..." he pauses, "alone, of course," he adds, feeling Sirius' eyes burn into him.

"Why don't you find yourself a date?" He says, pulling his hair up into a messy bun and letting a few strands hang down. "Even Pete's got one."

"But no one wants to be seen with Scar Boy." He rolls onto his side, his back to Sirius.

Sirius sighs and walks over to him, perching on his bed. "Your scars are cool, Moony. Girls find them hot."

Remus longs for Sirius to just leave him, scared of how close he is. "They aren't cool, I'm a monster and how would you know that girls find them hot?"

Sirius stays silent for a moment, clearly thinking about how to word his next sentence. Eventually, he speaks as James is tying his shoelaces. "Because I think they're hot."

Remus is glad that he's facing the other way because a blush explodes on his cheeks.

"I agree Pads, they are hot," James says as he stands up and heads for the door.

Remus calms himself, Sirius just said that because he's his friend.

"Well," Sirius says, slapping his knees and standing up. "I'm off, I don't know where but I'll find myself somewhere like I always do."

Remus wraps his sheets around him and buries his face in his pillow, wishing it was nine at night rather than nine in the morning.

James opens the door for him and Sirius. "See you later mate, please get up, get yourself some breakfast and enjoy your day as much as possible," James says as Sirius pulls on his leather jacket.

Remus hums a yes in response as the door closes and he's left in peace finally.

He sighs and rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling, longing for Sirius to come back and tell him that he's in love with him.

But he doesn't.

Remus huffs and gets up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing up, looking at the mess the dormitory is in. He makes it his goal for after breakfast to tidy up.

He chooses his biggest and cosiest jumper and then makes his way to the almost empty Great Hall. There's the odd couple scattered around and a few heartbroken girls crying with their friends. Other than that, it is just how Remus wants it: a large empty space just for him and his breakfast, everyone has long gone, either back to their common rooms, secretly in dorms, outside on the grounds or on their way to Hogsmeade.

He sits down at his normal spot he would normally share with the other three and helps himself to toast. He makes it 'Moony style', the boys had taken to calling it, spreading marmalade onto one quarter, jam onto another, butter on the third and lemon curd on the last.
[credits to MsKingBean89]

He tucks into his breakfast, sipping his tea and making the most of not speaking to anyone.

When he's done he makes his way back up to the dorm and begins sorting out the mess spread out over the floor, the chairs behind each desk and even the windowsills.

Eventually, everything is packed away, neatly and in order, and the floor is visible. He can now think of nothing better to do than to read his book by the fire in the common room.

So that's what he does. He sits on his own for hours, reading, turning pages, feeling the paper between his thumb and finger, breathing in the smell of firewood and books.

After a while, his mind wanders. Where is Sirius and what is he doing? Who is he with? He finds himself unable to concentrate on the words he holds in his hands, although they make more sense than his mind, and he puts the book down with a sigh.

He leans his head back onto the sofa and closes his eyes, trying to straighten his thoughts. Then he realizes it's no use because they were never straight in the first place and gives up.

He looks out the window at the soft snow that is falling over the grounds and longs to see the white flakes settle with his friends. With Sirius.

But he's here and they are... somewhere not here...

✩ ☽