Rune mage

Chapter 26: emptiness

I had a dream repeatedly, that I was drowning on dry land, my hands stuck into fire. I knew it was a dream, and could wake myself. But the dream persisted.

By the time the school said I was able to return, only three days after almost dying. I could sit up. I could walk to the latrine and eat on my own.

But I was anything but well. I was an empty shell. I didn't speak to anyone beyond basic answers. I didn't make eye contact. I felt nothing. As the days passed into a week and beyond, I felt as though I moved through perpetual darkness.

In the arena I continued to build webs, at first more out of habit than desire. I continued to practice the forms, again because it had become habit.

But when Fa Mai told me to fight?

I didn't.

I let him hit me with no runes of protection and no attempt to fight back.

I ate dirt every attack and had no response when he snapped at me or yelled at me or threatened me. He was there for show.

So was I.

Lee didn't yell. She just looked at me with increasing pity. As far as she could tell, as far as anyone could tell, the last incident had broken my power levels.

Because the moment I had been able, I had added a tattoo along my inner thigh. It would make my power level appear low regardless of what it really was.

I had found a way to make the ink for the tattoos nearly invisible on my skin. So along with the one on my thigh- which had been a test to see if the color would stay true, I also now had ten power reserve runes. Only three of them were currently full- it took time to grab extra power without flooding my system. So until they were filled I had decided to not use any magic.

If I needed healing, I had a collection of daisy pendants and healing stamps.

Lutsel's response to the Lower power level was to mock me, of course.

He still had me come in and stand before him. But when he demanded I recite the mage laws, I stayed silent.

Because he knew there was no hiding abuse with my power so low.

So he mocked me and let me struggle to breathe.

Reconna came daily to check in me, and wouldn't let me do work at the tavern. She couldn't understand why my power was reading so low.

Lu came and that was the only time I felt like I was actually alive. I spent time with him going over runes from my book of notes and explaining how to use them. When we were done with rune work he would tell me about his day and surprisingly it seemed like the school was doing a better job with him. They weren't beating him into the dirt daily, or failing to teach him to fight, though he admitted he was already good at that and offered to help me learn sneaky moves if needed it. I let him teach me a few movements to let him feel like he was helping. Maybe he was.

But then he would go back to his and his brother's room and the darkness would close in on me again. The only joy I took in my work was thinking of sharing new runes with Lu. So that he would survive.

I added a lock to the arena web. It was almost done since I wasn't bothering with sleep. I allowed myself sleep every third night, preferring to be awake and working unbothered than the nightmares.

I wanted the web to be done. The Incomplete version had saved my life. The finished version would be even more powerful.

And I wanted Lu to be able to access it, too.

The lock would allow him to get power. I left the key bead in his room, buried in his trunk with a note to place one drop of blood on the bead to use it.

The final exams were two months away. For final year students, the only exam was the arena fight.

I wasn't going to die.

I had wanted to die at first, when it hurt to do any magic. When my hands spasmed in memory of repeated burns.

But now? I was too numb to want to die. I was going to show up and unfurl every bit of power I was hoarding. And more. Because I was no longer just sipping power from left over outbursts. The outer ring of the web design in the arena now also held the rune I had used on Fredric.

Anyone in the ring with me would have their primary power sucked away the moment I activated that outer ring. I had altered the rune to leave the person standing. Functioning.

But they would be powerless.

And I would have all the power. I had time to figure out how to do more than toss the stolen power toward the web designs.

It would have been exhilarating to see everything working so well, if I hadn't been so numb. There was no joy save a small flicker in helping Lu. There was no pleasure. No worry.

Nothing.

I was walking around feeling as empty as others saw me.

They were there for show.

I no longer cared if they wanted me to succeed or not. I didn't want their approval or support.

I had survived the years before this without them.

I would survive this too.

I just wasn't sure if I would survive long. The darkness pulled at me. I ate less. I slept less. I moved slowly and thought slowly.

And I couldn't bring myself to care.