BLOG LIFE

part4

Yeah, I thought things were going to get better, but obviously not they just got worse.

My mum cried every night, telling him she was sorry but he’d always make out like it was her fault that she’d actually done something wrong. In reality, he was the one in the wrong, the one fucking with my mum mentally, emotionally and physical. This was life for us and this was just how it was meant to be.

Days went by and only me and my brother knew exactly what was going on but as kids nobody wanted to listen to us. I always cried myself to sleep, knowing what my dad was doing to her.  HE WAS DESTROYING MY MUM, MENTALLY EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY. As I got older within the situation, I began to acknowledge and realise exactly what he was doing and it was fucking wrong, but my mum couldn’t leave she was in a situation of, ‘if she goes she gets hurt and he keeps me and my brother’ or ‘if she stays she gets hurt and the both of them have us’

I was 10 years old and in my local town, we didn’t have primary or secondary schools, we had lower, middle and upper schools. So at 10 years old, I was ready to move up to middle school, SO EXCITED. New people, new teachers and basically a new start for me. I was hoping my home life wouldn’t effect, my education but I was completely wrong.

The school year began and I was settling in very well and not letting my home life affect me at school. Some days, I would hide myself away in the toilet cubicles and cry because I was new, I had nobody to talk to and I was young, nobody would exactly understand what was going on in my life.

Just as I was settling down the closest person to me and my mum died, ‘MY GREAT GRANDMA’. She was the sweetest woman in the world, no lie. HEART OF GOLD. As soon, as I knew she’d passed, I cried for days on end, I didn’t go to school, I suffered.  My dad just turned his nose up and told me as a child that I was pathetic and that people die and it’s just life. AT 10 YEARS OLD THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR.

Just as that wasn’t bad enough for my mum, she found out he was shagging some woman, while she was at home looking after me and my brother. The funny thing is, he didn’t even make it sly.

He went out one night and came back so drunk that my mum was like ‘fuck off and sleep somewhere else’. All that night, his phone went off and my mum decided to read the text.

The text read ‘BABY, WHERE ARE YOU? I’M WAITING BUT YOU HAVEN’T SHOWN’

My mum went three months with crying, not eating, losing weight and my dad didn’t even think you ask her what was wrong. THREE MONTHS SHE WENT FROM A SIZE 18 to a SIZE 12. My dad fucked her over and he couldn’t even ask her what the fuck was wrong and why she was losing weight. ACTUALLY, he didn’t even realise she’d lost weight, he’d still put her down and call her fat, and she carried on losing weight. 

I knew what was going on, and I knew exactly why my mum was so upset because I overheard her on the phone one day. I CRIED. I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t cope and knowing that he was cheating and beating my mum up, I began to go crazy. It affected my school life because I let it. I didn’t know what to do or who I could talk to.

I WAS ALONE!