Recovery

-4-

We keep this love in a photograph, we made these memories for ourselves..
Where our eyes are never closing, hearts were never broken, time's forever frozen still..

-Photograph by Ed Sheeran

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I'm sat at the table with a small bowl of cereal which I have been having trouble finishing.

Mum and Dad had to go back to work today. Mum kept apologising to me and kept assuring me that she'd be back home early.

I am being treated like a guest. A guest in my own house. I hate it.

She went on and on like a broken record about how I can call her anytime of the day.

But there's a slight problem with that.

The thing is that I haven't quite been able to muster enough strength and courage to break the barrier that is preventing my vocal chords from being used.

This is the first time in so long that I have come out of my room, I also took a shower and dressed myself in something other than my PJ's.

This might not be a lot, but this is one step towards recovery. But I don't think I want to recover or move on I don't think I'm quite ready yet. I feel a slight sting in my heart every time I think about moving on. I know for fact that I would've wanted Ben to move on if he was in my place. But it's just so hard. So damn hard.

I reach out for my iPod which was placed at the other end of the table. I click on the music icon and click on the shuffle option and put on my earplugs and head for the door. A short walk can't hurt right?

I walked for a good 15 minutes and found myself in front of the local park. I walk in desperately in search for a place to sit. As I sit down, I can't help but admire how beautiful the place looks decorated with the fallen leaves. Autumn is truly one of the most beautiful times ever. How nice would it be to take a few pictures.

But I don't think I'll ever have the strength to even lay a finger on my camera to say the least.

The song Photograph by Ed Sheeran is softly playing in my ears. It baffles me how such a young man can write songs with so much depth and so much feeling and emotion. They're just so beautiful his songs.

"We keep this love in a photograph, we made these memories for ourselves..." I heard and that was when it struck me. I immediately bounced off the bench and ran.

••••

I stand waiting for the door to open. For some reason I'm feeling really jittery and nervous. I don't know why. I shouldn't be.

"Coming" called a voice a muffled voice from the other side of the door.

As the door swung open, I felt this very indescribable feeling of sadness crawl into my heart and the pain sort off consumed my whole being. But I refused to show signs of these emotions on my face.

"Ami..?" Wow she sounds so exhausted. Ami, Ben used to call me Ami. They're the only 2 people who call me that.

I leaped in her arms taking her by surprise. "Mom... I missed you so much" I cried into her neck.

Some people might think it's a bit weird to call your dead boyfriend's mother, mom, but I've always called her mom and I will continue to call her mom.

"Amelia, I thought I wouldn't be seeing you for a long long time. I lost hope of you ever coming over again. Come on in."

That made me cringe and frown on the inside.How could she think like that? What's with everyone being so formal and delicate with me lately. I don't like it one bit.