To Kickstart everything!

Untitled Chap 1

They say writing is like creating a universe? Well I guess its true, every letter, words, sentence everything that I wrote or even type allows me to create my very own world. I'm not even sure if that's really true until I see it with my own eyes.

Don't believe that, just my fantasy during the day or should I say everyday thinking I'll be some kind of Main Character, with a handsome guy with great qualities like rich really handsome, understands me, full of passion and ambition and knows how to take care of themselves and other people. Do they exist? Of course not! Well they sometimes do I guess, I've met some but unfortunately, they're gay and I really love her as a friend. Oh yeah, they prefer to be called as her/they so lets just use it in here i mean, we're only in the introduction part. 

I've always wished that some guy would just say, "Hey Miss, can I have your number?" oh God, how many time have I mentioned it since highschool and I'm in my Mid 20s, and believe it not a good time, LOL. Existential crisis, society pressure, thinking you're not deserving of love since hello, never got a boyfriend or girlfriend. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, i wouldn't really call myself as someone queer, lesbian or part of the LGBTQIA+, I'm just your young adult perusing, big word, through life hoping to enjoy it before I die. Anyway going back, it took me 8 years, just to realize I fell in love with my bestfriend from highschool. 

Let me just reminisce okay, she ain't beautiful like model, whould I say both of us were chubby, pretty smart always in the top of the class and we're just too messy with our hair, stuff honestly for HS students but we always have fun with our other friends. You know what makes her so special to me, she was always there and I know I can depend on her. She might be so messy, papers always crumpled, hair always a mess, some stain on her expensive bag but I know she's someone I can just spend my time and depend on. I didn't have anyone, always problem with money since we're just poor since after my mom died, too may problems pop up and HELLO STRESS AND LONELY DAYS, honestly there were too many lonely days where I didn't know what to do. She was just there, helping me with some projects, always giving me foods, basically she's just there. We were closed for the whole  years of our high school, and when we were applying for college we both failed in UP and opted for Reconsideration in UP Los Banos, she did passed there and she wanted to help me enroll in there but I declined even though there's a high chance I will be accepted. I was scared at that time, i already know that I'm feeling something for her but, I just can't accept it. When I somehow realized it that I was depending on her and something was starting to blossom, I just decided to let go of everything and cut off all our communication even though we're basically neighbors. And my fans, hahah, that's how my first love with a girl ended real quick, though that was in a span of  4 years. 

Imagine that from fantasizing about guys asking for my number, you just learned of the somehow summarized version of my first love for a girl. Well, still won't erase i would love to be ask out and take on a date by a guy. So what happen right why didn't I simply consider myself as a Lesbian since I just went completely in telling a story og my first girl love? Because I also had someone i initially had a crush on which bloomed into a one sided love. Until now, I ask myself if it was just a crush or was it love, the answer? It was both, well it was honestly shallow but the things is, the more i learned about him, the more it gets deeper. 

Lets dive on to how I met, had a crush, fell in love and cut off everything. Did you really think we'll be together? of course not, he was courting one of the beautiful girls in our grade and I don't stand a chance unless we talked about academic grades haha I know, such a pick me attitude. Well, going back, it was the first day of our second year and there was this guy more handsome than the rest of the guys in the class. He has fair skin, lean body, curly hair and mid size length eye lashes with a height of 5'6. He's has this charm that even though he was fairly average but you would want to talk to him. So anyway, this guy let me name him as Cy, haha he'd kill me if he read this story because he would immediately know its him, Loved you friend! It was the first day of classes and here he was, just sweeping the floor without anyone telling him to sweep it, cringe right? I mean its just sweeping the floor with our uniform on, nothing special, but there was something that day, like a soft yellow orange of the morning sun that shines through our room. He just looks so dreamy while I was checking my locker and talk with my partner for that locker. 

Days, weeks passed and I kept stealing glances on him, day dreaming that he likes me back wherein he would ask me out and say " Frances, is it okay if we'll meet at the back of the school later when our class ends?" and I'd blushingly say "Yes..." corny but gawd, I love watching anime and reading manga that I kept wishing, honestly until now, that what happens in manga would also happen to me. Anyway, while stealing glances and day dreaming about how he'll court me and tell me that it was also love at first sight, our Homeroom teacher told us we'd have to reshuffle out seats because we need to pull each other grades and all, yada yada yada haha. Here I was talking to my friends since we were at the back row and hoping we won't be moved then suddenly like some Main character shits haha our teacher, called my name and said "Frances, move here in the middle section of the room and go to the back seat" And of course, I just simply said Yes, and was so anxious since I'll be separated from my Chronicles friend group. If you know me you don't hahaha. Then, just like those manga or anime scenario, after moving few peoples in the class our teacher said, "Cy, move and sit beside Frances" I was screaming, ahem creaming inside my brain that I'll be seating with my crush. And that is how I met your father and my husband, joke, remember I told you never had any relationship until now?

We talked a lot and I guess we kind flirted since he kept asking me what gifts to give to the person they were courting, IKR he's honestly a scumbag once I look back to it, He'll even hold my hands like how lovers do, like when they interlocked your hands and rest it atop of your arm rest and how he'll look into my eyes and says this is how he wish he was holding hands with her. Stupi