Withdrawn

Pseudo

"Sav?" I hear a faint voice call from somewhere distant. "Sav, wake up." I open my eyes slowly, almost painfully blinded by light with the power of one thousand suns.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey," Zig says. "You've been out for like fourteen hours," He says. "I hope you caught up on your beauty rest." He says with a chuckle. I'm surprised he actually stayed this whole time.

"I definitely did." I say in a sleepy tone, emphasizing the "definitely." "Sorry I slept so long. What time is it?" I say, as I rub my eyes, and let out a small yawn. He takes out his phone.

"Around 7:30."

"Oh, shit, sorry." I reply.

"It's all good. Hey, I've gotta go make a couple of deals. You gonna be okay by yourself?" I think for a second and quickly come to the conclusion that I really don't want to be alone right now.

"Is there any way I can come with?" I ask.

"Yeah, of course," He says. "I have to meet him in like forty-five minutes, but I think you'll have enough time to shower and put on clean clothes."

I realize now that all I can smell is my body odor.

"Thanks," I whisper as I let my feet hit the cold, creaky, hardwood floor.

I haven't showered in five days. I know, It's disgusting. I wanted to avoid the bathroom as much as possible. But it also didn't help that meth raises your body temperature (just a little bit.)

I open the bathroom door, hardly covered by a thin coat of white paint, revealing small parts of the dark wood that peek through. I take the first two steps into the room. I love the memories involving the tiny window across from the door, showing the black sky and the almost visible crumbling apartment building across from mine. Colton and I used to blow smoke out of it when it was too cold to go outside for a cigarette. I look down at the tiles, and then at the mirror to my right.

I wipe my tears I didn't even realize I had, and start by taking a soft baby blue towel from my linen cabinet. I turn on the water and wait for it to warm up while I take off the same black velvet dress I've been wearing for the past day, I step into the stream and let the burning hot water wash away all the toxins caused by continuous stress and grief.

I really wish it were that simple. The boiling water won't wash it away no matter how hard I scrub and tear my skin. I'm so fucking overwhelmed. I want nothing more than to sit in his room, and lay in his bed. Then it hits me, a lot harder than it should have.

I'm in withdrawal.

Maybe Zig will front some product to me. I hope so. I use my cheap shampoo to wash the grease from my roots and split ends. I use way too much (also extremely cheap) ocean breeze scented conditioner in an attempt to repair the years of heat damage I've caused.

I see Colton's shower gel and open the lid. The powerful aroma hits my nasal passages. It smells exactly like he did. I drown myself in the soap, just so I can smell like him.

I look down and notice the way my body is a little bit different since the last time I've showered, I study my shape for a little longer, and I can't tell if I like it or not.

I try not to think about it, and step out of the shower. I put on some black jeans with a white shirt, no bra. The things are too goddamn uncomfortable anyways. I remove the damp towel off the floor and quickly wrap my hair in it. I brush my teeth, take some mascara I found on my dirty bathroom counter and coat my eyelashes. I apply perfume and deodorant before stepping away from the steamy room.