Withdrawn

The door swings open

And it's fucking Adeline, and sees what I've done.
"What the fuck, Sav? You couldn't even wait until after the goddamn funeral?" She yells,  almost loud enough for the people outside of the bathroom to hear. I can't believe I forgot to lock the door. I lift my head away from the salmon pink countertop.
"You don't understand." I say, which is true. I have reasons for what I do. She's never been in my shoes. Or anywhere near them. She hasn't even smoked weed before. The only experience she has with substance is an occasional glass of wine at the end of the night maybe once a week, which proves that she really doesn't know shit.
"Tell me what I don't understand, then." She commands. I walk up to her slowly, only to get in her face.
"You don't understand anything about me." Her jaw kinda halfway drops to the ground, as she looks at me in disgust. I grab my things, scrape the remainders of what could have been a good time back into the little bag because that shit is expensive. I leave Adeline stranded in the bathroom. I really fucking hope she doesn't tell my parents, but then again, what are they gonna do? Ground me? She would only love to see that. They know more than enough already. My mom barely speaks to me knowing what happened, and my dad could probably tell how cranked I was in the car anyways, so I don't really care anymore. I could be immature, and say she's an evil bitch, but she does have a very strong fucking point. I know I'll be able to stop in a few days if I have to, but for now I just need  a little support from something that can't possibly judge me.
I can't stand being in that building anymore. I contemplate walking out until I see him.
Zig walks through the glass doors and holds them open for some sort of female relative I have never seen before. He's perfect in that way. He is the best kind of man. I know the last time I saw him was only four days ago. He came over to cook for me after I told him about my eating problems. I could never have enough of him, especially now that I need him more than ever. Zig is perfect company. We've had a few phone calls, but it's not the same thing. Four days is far too long when all you can think about is how much, or how little time you have left on the planet.
"Sav!" He says, I turn my fuzzy, and spinning head. I notice him later than I should've just as he rushes over to pull me into an embrace that feels exactly like coming home from a long day of work. The best kind of hug, and it's even better because my skin is already tingling. The hug says a lot. It's more of an apology hug than anything. Zig is very hard to read, and he always has been. He is far from simple. Normally, I can have anyone I want. But Zig, he's a challenge and I like that.
Sometimes, I feel like he knows, but he always pretends not to, or at least I think he pretends. Maybe I'm the clueless one. He holds me for a little while until I feel a sense of guilt radiate from his warmth, but I guess that would feel reasonable on his end. Although, I don't think I could ever blame him for my brother's death. "How have you been holding up?" He asks. I can feel the vibrations on his chest from his voice and I catch a glimpse of much needed comfort.
"I could be better." I admit. I wonder if he can tell.
"Listen, I'm really sorry about everything." He says. Normally, a sentence like that would be really cringy because it sounds like he stole it from a movie script, but I could tell that he genuinely meant it.
"Don't be sorry." I say, "There's no way you could've known."
"Do you wanna talk about it over lunch? There's so much I have to say, and there's not a lot of privacy with all of your nosy relatives." He says with a comfortably inviting laugh. This is all I need. Just someone that cares enough to take time out of their day to talk to me. My family doesn't know what he does for a living, and I plan on keeping it that way. I don't need them seeing him the same way they see me.
"Yes, I would love that." I say with a small, subtle smile. The funeral has forty-three minutes left and I feel guilty because all I want is to leave. I decide to stay because Zig hasn't gotten to say goodbye yet.
Zig and I walk into the room. We take a short, and emotional walk up to him while I hold onto his arm. I see Adeline, and she puts me on edge because all I can see is her glare from the corner of my eye, but I choose to ignore her. She feels more like an obstacle than a sister right now.
I've only seen Zig cry once. And it only makes sense that he would cry right now. Him and my brother were like brothers. They did everything together. We all did everything together. Zig doesn't touch him, or leave him anything. He just stares, and I realize it just hit him. Hard.
You never really understand until you see the body. Even then, you'll never fully wrap your mind around the fact that they're actually gone. There will always be a small (or big) part of you that thinks they somehow faked their death, and they're gonna come back. But I was there with him, and now he's somewhere else. The gray walls and white flowers almost carelessly placed around the corners of the room don't exactly help. Zig sits there for a while. He makes a fist, and wipes his tears just like a little kid would in this situation.
"Okay, I'm ready." He says. He is a lot more composed than I am. But I can tell he's faking it. He needs a hug. He cries in my arms harder than I've ever seen a man cry. I hold his hand with my left and his forearm with my right. We walk down the aisle in the middle of two sides of navy blue chairs and leave without saying goodbye to anyone. It's shitty, but it's not like they're gonna miss me, and Colton would understand. I'm way too high to be here, anyways.