My Dopamine

Chapter 1-"I read fiction in my free time green-eyed boy, try me"

I don't remember how I got here to this diner. Just 30 minutes ago I was home finishing up the last of my college applications and essays and I remember panicking. I'm not a perfectionist, nothing is perfect but when it comes to my schoolwork, I try my best to bring it as close to perfect as I can. I glanced at my phone's screen, my wallpaper with my friends, or at least were my friends lit up. I never had the willpower to change my wallpaper and it's been 3 months. 3 months since I was deemed an outcast. A prude, an outcast, a nerd to do their homework. It hurt of course. I lost friends, friends who were there for me for the last 5 years. I lost a relationship. A 3-year relationship all because I said I don't want to sleep with him.

I cried, I cry a lot. It's how I cope with emotions and situations. Frustration, Sadness, Anxiety and sometimes even happiness I express it all by crying. 2 months of crying and one month of going numb. Some say that you go numb because emotions overwhelm you to the point where you go numb to save yourself. This Friday was no different. I got overwhelmed by all the work and I just took my car keys and left my house.

I walked into the diner and was slammed face-first with the scent of burgers and vanilla milkshakes, instantly making me feel better. I smiled at the waitress before finding a booth furthest away from people, not that there were any people there. The diner although small had only 3 other customers other than myself. On the other end, there was a booth full of balloons and a couple happily smiling at each other as they chatted along. They looked so in love it warmed my heart.

That's the type of love I want. Something pure and special. Someone I can call home, someone who puts effort and falls just as hard as I do. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of me and I wasn't the only one smiling at them.

In the only other occupied booth, there was an old man all alone, with a bouquet of flowers near him and a cake in front of him. He smiled at the both of them except his eyes looked sad. I contemplated joining him and swallowed my hesitation down and walked over to his booth. He gave me a warm smile and I decided there was no backing away now.

"Hello uncle um, this might be weird but I saw you sitting here alone with the cake and I really didn't want you to celebrate whatever it is you're celebrating alone, I understand if I creep you out and you want me to leave but I just wanted to make sure you weren't alone and if I can join"

"Oh sweet child, yes yes please do join me, bless your kind heart I rarely find kids like you these days. Please do join me, my wife would've loved it if someone else celebrated her birthday with me"

"Your wife? Is she running late?"

"She passed away, 2 years ago. She really was the love of my life. She used to love birthdays be it hers or mine. She would go all out, bake 2 cakes because she couldn't pick one, and decorated the entire living room with balloons and presents. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have dumped all this on you kiddo"

"Oh uncle please no, by all means, continue, I'd love to hear more about her"

"Oh kiddo you're too sweet for this world so was she. She'd always pick out fresh flowers for our house, almost always lilies. She'd have random conversations with strangers and would always have the wildest stories to tell me. Without her, my entire world's lost its voice and colour"

"I'm so sorry uncle, she sounds like an amazing person, truly"

He gave me a smile with tears in his eyes as we both celebrated her birthday in silence before he bid goodbye to leave the lilies at aunty's grave. I watched with a warm and heavy heart as he left but glad that he had someone to celebrate her birthday with.

The waitress came around again, asking me if I'd like to have anything, I was famished and I almost ordered a burger for myself before my thoughts got in the way. My parents would always tell me that I'm overeating and that I should start dieting and losing fat. The smile that was just on my face dropped. I asked the waitress to just get me a glass of coffee and she left to get me my coffee.