The Maid | P.Sh

| 2.26 |

When I had left for work Sunghoon still sat still in the kitchen and the longer into the day I got the more sure I was that he had not moved once since. Slowly throughout the day I could begin seeing why he had been so affected and maybe it wasn't exactly the right way I had handled the situation. 

So now I was rushing home at lunchtime, after almost having begged mr. Lee to let me go home early due to personal circumstances. A few weeks in and I was already pretty damn abscent from my job.

On my whole, very fast, walk home I kept trying to call Sunghoon, not having it picked up once. That could either mean two things, he didn't want to take it or he was ignoring me. I didn't really know which one of them I wanted it to be, but it was the only possibility I saw.

The door was unlocked when I reached home, meaning Sunghoon probably still was there. I quickly got rid of my coat, shoes and bag before rushing in, still seeing the same familiar back sitting in the same chair as this morning.

"Hoon?" I carefully called out, making him stir slightly, something was telling me he had fallen asleep in that chair, "let's get you moved to the bed before you get too sore from sitting there."

Instead of replying Sunghoon just got up, grabbed the bag with bottles. He slowly turned to me, forcing a small smile on his face as he walked out and placed the bag in the front hall, passing by me each time as if he was a cold breeze.

"Sunghoon," I called out once more making him turn to me and send me another forced smile, "we need to talk about this, again. Because I handled it wrong and I'm pretty sure you're more sober now."

"I was too last night," he quietly spoke and I just waved it off.

"Matter of fact is I handled it wrong and you needed to move from that chair," I pointed out to which he quietly nodded, "come here," I sighed, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the living room.

I made him sit on the couch as I sat beside him, turning my body towards him as I pulled my knees up to my chest.

"I'm sorry," I started out making him blink a few times before he looked at me, "I handled last night very wrong and-"

"You were just mad," he softly remarked and I nodded.

"But I still handled it wrong and it didn't help you in any way or whatsoever," I sighed in frustrationed and ran both hands through my hair, "I mean... you didn't even move out of that chair since last night. So uhm... I'm gonna change up what I said. From today and... two weeks forward I'm gonna help you, okay? For two weeks we'll work on the alcohol problem together, if we can't make it better in those two weeks we're finding a rehab programme for you, because I'm sorry but I just can't keep helping the people I love with addiction problems my whole life. And if... the rehab programme isn't working, I'm gonna give it a year and if there's no improvement I'm gonna have to leave. And I know that's egotistic of me to say, but I can't keep hurting myself more and more. So from today two weeks where we work together on it, if that doesn't work a year of rehab after that... and I still want you to get a medical exam done."

"Can you sleep in the bed again?" he whispered and looked at me for the first time, "I don't wanna sleep in there if you're not with me."

"I'll sleep in the bed," I nodded at him, "and..." I sucked in a deep breath before clutching my hands tightly, "I'm quitting my job tomorrow so I can help you more with this."

"But you-" Sunghoon started and I quietly shook my head to cut him off.

"I know from experience with my brother that if I'm gonna be able to help you just one bit I'm gonna have to put my all into it," I shook my head at him, "I can worry about job and education after we've fixed this problem."

"I'm gonna quit too then," he quickly decided and I shook my head at him, "why?"

"I think that job is the only thing that's been keeping you going for this long," I sighed, "especially those two year when I wasn't here... so... you keep that job. Each weekday you'll go to work, I'll do whatever, and then we'll agree on a time when you'll be home... and I'm gonna get Jake to keep an eye on you when you're at work."

"Alright," he slowly nodded, for a moment letting the corners of his lips tug upwards as if he was about to smile.

"So now... I'd really appreciate if you could tell me why you had to start drinking again," I sighed and he shrugged at me once more, "please Sunghoon, I can't help you if you don't give me anything to go after," I whispered as he avoided my gaze, looking down at his hands that laid in his lap.

"I know it was my idea to move in together," he whispered and I just hummed, "but that day you suddenly seemed so nervous and rejected the idea of us moving in together I got scared. What if I wasn't enough? Hadn't I proven myself for you? So when you finally admitted you wanted to move in together those feelings only intensified... I'm scared Sieun, I'm so scared of messing up. I was so scared that I did the only thing I knew would end up upsetting you, because I'm a stupid narcissist. I should've spoken with you about it instead."

I stayed quiet as I watched him fiddle with his fingers, letting out a shaky breath before nodding as if to conclude his small statement.

"Sunghoon I love you, that's why I wanted to move in... it has nothing to do of wether or not you've proven yourself," I softly reminded and brushed his hair out of his face, "what I worry about with you drinking again is that you already have been hospitalized once, and I don't want to see you be that again for something that might be worse than it was last time."

A small sniffle came from Sunghoon, only making me rush to wrap my arms around him and pull him into my embrace as he burried his face in my shoulder, slowly letting it grow wet.

"Please don't leave me like this," he whimpered and I had to close my eyes tightly to prevent myself from crying too.

"I won't," I whispered quietly running a hand through his hair, "we're gonna fix this together. We can do this."

I held Sunghoon tightly as small whimpers and sobs once in a while would escape him and he only would tighten his grip around me even more with each of those. It seemed like he suddenly had his whole world crumbling and was desperately trying to hold onto the few pieces he could, which only made it even more painful for me to think he couldn't tell me because I would leave him.

I was gonna stay by him right now, and we could fix this together, I was sure of it.