Camilo Angst (Cos there isn't enough out there)

Smoking 🚬

⚠️TW⚠️
Smoking, abuse (verbal) and mention of self harm

Camilo's POV

I was tired of feeling this emptiness, the space inside of me that could never be filled. I had to find a way to fix it, I had to find a way to be perfect, just like the rest of my familia. Ever since we lost our gifts and got them back, life had been hell, it was bad before this but I'm going to sound like a horrible primo (cousin) but Mirabel used to get most of Abuela's rage but since she saved the miracle, I've been getting the worst of it. At least she could cope, I just bottle it all up then cry myself to bed every night, my room is sound proof so Dolores can't hear me which is good because I don't want to be more of a burden than I already am.

What's worse is I don't even know who I am anymore, I feel worthless, no one ever wants me, the only time they ever want my help is when I am someone else, and I can never help properly anyway because I am useless, Abuela tells me this all of the time. And Miami and Papi stick up for me but I know they secretly agree with Abuela.

When I went out to do my chores I saw smoke coming from an alley way, something was on fire! I rushed around the corner, but I was met with a group of boys around the age of 17-18, they all looked at me and I gulped, I knew what I had to do.

"Your not allowed to smoke this close to the centre of town, there's children all around," I explained hesitantly, not sure if they were going to beat me up. Instead the biggest of the lot just smirked and said,

"I'm sure if you had a go smoking you would have no problem with us doing it," what was he doing? Was he offering me a cigarette?

"I can't, it's wrong, there is no need for people to smoke," which was true.
⚠️TW⚠️ Self harm
He looked down at my wrists, I knew he could see the recent scars, Tia Julietta walked in on me doing it once and promised me to never do it again, but I couldn't, it just felt so, relieving, but it makes me even more of a terrible person because I can't even keep my promises.
⚠️End of trigger warning⚠️
"It helps with the pain," ok so he did see.

"What do you mean, it helps with the pain?"

"It makes all of you worries go away, you wont have to constantly compare yourself to others," I'm not going to lie, this was slightly intriguing, but Abuela and the rest of my familia would hate me, but I guess they already do.

"Ok, give me one," I reluctantly said, I wanted to see if it would take away all of my pain, never being wanted, being a disappointment and worst of all, never knowing who I really am.

He handed one to me, a smirk on his face, the same as the rest of his friends. I grabbed hold of it and then he gave me the lighter, I was shocked at how easily it lit up. I held it to my mouth, taking a small breath in, I could feel some of my pain going away, so I took an even deeper breath. The boy smiled at me and said.

"If you want another one, you know where to find me," he said walking off.

I stayed there for what felt like a good couple of hours, just taking in the feeling of having no weights on my shoulders, just then a small boy walked around the corner, I quickly shape-shifted into an older man, who looked completely different than me, the kid took one look at the cigarette and ran away. Wonder why he did that? I suppose I did look aggressive as a man. I just hope he didn't see me before I changed.

I quickly ran home, hoping I hadn't missed dinner, luckily just as I got through the door I could smell Tia Julietta's amazing food. I ran into the dining room and everyone looked at me. I instantly knew my mistake. I smelled like smoke.

"Camilo, why do you smell like smoke?" My Papi said with an accusing eye. Shit I had to think of a lie fast.

"It, umm, there was a campfire near the end of town where I had to drop a kid off after babysitting," I think that sounds alright.

"Alright," Papi responded hesitantly, I had to be more careful in future.

Abuela looked at me sceptically before responding, "Camilo, did you see an older man smoking in an Alley way near the Casita, a little boy saw him," shoot, at least he didn't see the actual me, or at least what I think is the actual me.

"No sorry, but I'll keep an eye out for him," yeah, no I won't.

"Make sure you do, your already useless enough," I simply just nodded at her and walked to my room, I didn't even bother coming back down for dinner. Guess I'm going to go back tomorrow and get a cigarette.

Word Count:
888

A/N hi guys I haven't written an angst before so any suggestions would be really helpful, thank you.

ORANGE_DUCKIE
Helped me know which way I kinda wanted Camilo to get a cigarette, you should check their story out it's really good. I hope you don't mind x