despondency

• Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Third POV:

Margot keeps secrets like some keep jewels. It's not that she doesn't trust anyone, it's that she doesn't trust herself. When you reveal yourself to someone, you're also giving a part of yourself to them. Margot doesn't trust herself to keep a balance. Margot has been down this road before. She trusted someone once. She found someone she could love, despite thinking she could love no one. She found someone to love her, despite thinking she was unlovable. But the loving didn't last long. It went as quickly as it had come, and Margot was left broken. He had left her more broken than when he had found her. He whispered sweet promises in her ear. Promises he had no intention of ever keeping. But Margot didn't know. And when she started suspecting, she cursed herself for being mistrusting of the one person she ever trusted. She came to hate herself for second-guessing the one person she ever loved. Second-guessing the one person who loved her. She hated her mind for starting to see the obvious, but not that it had missed the obvious all along. When he came to her in the middle of the night with love bites on his neck, love bites she hadn't given him. She hated herself for caring and she cursed herself for not giving them to him first. She cursed herself for feeling sad when she was in his arms. She cursed herself for having to hold back the sobs as she lay next to him. She cursed herself for not seeing things the way he did. And when he finally left her, she cursed herself for not being enough for him. But despite all of this, she loved him. She couldn't bring herself to hate him. Because, as much pain, as he caused her, there was a moment where she felt happy, where she felt loved. And yes, he left her broken, more broken than when he found her. But for a moment, he gave her a break from her hell. For a moment her heart raced for something other than fear.

Margot's POV:

I search Amber's eyes. All I see is concern and care. But I can't bring myself to tell her the truth, the real truth. I can only tell her what I told Saoirse. For a split second, I had considered telling her more. But I can't bring myself to do it.

"It's Gael. He asked me to the dance last Friday." I admit.

"What?" Amber says with clear surprise. "That's great Margot."

"I'm not going with him," I say as we reach the bus stop. I look down at my watch, it should be here any moment.

"Why ever not? I thought you liked him? He must like you now if he's asked you to go with him."

"It's not that simple," I say with a sigh. The bus rolls up.

"What do you mean? Had something changed? Do you not like him anymore?" If only it were that simple.

"He only asked me out of pity," I say as I ascend the steps, Amber close at my heels.

"What do you mean? You can't assume that. Why is it so crazy to believe that he simply likes you?" Amber asks as I pick our seats in the middle of the bus.

"Because he doesn't. And that's it. I can't play pretend."

"You're not making sense," Amber says with a sigh as she sits. I just look out the window.

"Please tell me. I want to help, Margot." She puts a comforting hand on my arm.

I relent. "He was nice to me and we started some sort of a friendship. There was a misunderstanding about the dance and I thought he had asked me, but he didn't. But when he realized what I had thought, he then asked me for real because he felt bad." I lie, well it's only a half-lie. "There, that's it."

"Well then go with him, be your wonderful self, and maybe he'll fall in love with you by the end of the night," Amber says with a laugh.

"Yeah, I'm sure that will happen," I say sarcastically.