Serial

Diary Entry: Now

Now.

No, no, no, no, no!

This wasn't supposed to happen.

The girl who visited me today was not the girl I knew. She's changed. Something had to have happened to make Emmy turn into the others, become the overbearing, demanding bitch that sat across from me.

She acted like our relationship was nothing to her. Like I was nothing to her.

God, I need a drink.

I'd even take bucket booze right now if it meant I could drown out everything that just happened.

Nothing is going right.

When I got back from our visit, I paced around my ten by eight cell muttering curse words under my breath. I wanted to destroy something. Crush the life out of the next person who talked to me.

Instead, I grabbed my pathetic pillow off my bunk and took to smashing it against the wall until I grew sweaty with exhaustion. Breathing heavily, I collapsed onto my bed, ignoring the loud squeaks that the springs made as I landed.

Then I stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes trying desperately to collect my thoughts.

Nobody was doing what they were supposed to anymore.

If they would've just let me handle things like I'd planned, then it all would've worked out. I wouldn't be dealing with any of this bullshit.

Now I'm being backed into a corner. Forced to take action. And after everything I've done, all the ways I've proved myself to be superior. They want to take everything from me...

And then there's Him. He's always there. Always wanting more. More bodies, more blood, more, more, more. Not that I'm not cut from the same mold. I'd wanted to do the things I'd done. Killing seemed to fill up the darkness in my soul. Until He'd begun whispering in my ear though, I hadn't fully realized my potential. How good I'd be at it. And how satisfying it is, too. Killing. Defiling. Disposing. He makes it easier to do what I've always dreamed of. We're a team and He's the only one I've ever trusted. The only one who truly understands me.

He's a part of me and I of Him.

Yet still, I'd wanted to keep something for myself.

Emmy.

She was meant to be all mine. I'll never let Him touch her. I never even told Him that she existed. Because she'd been perfect. A representative of the life I wish I had, with a girl who loved me like no one else could...

So, because she was my perfect little girl, I never told Him about her. I knew what He'd want to do to her if He knew she existed or what she meant to me. He'd want to have her, too.

Well, He met her today. Saw the real Emmy for the first time. And just as I suspected, He wants her now, too. Said she'll only cause problems for us. And after our visit, I can't disagree.

But even though I know this to be true, and Emmy's no longer my perfect little girl, I still don't want Him to have her.