Finally

Chapter One

I wake up to another cold morning here in St. Louis. It's the middle of May and the weather still changes daily. I can't change the temperature or Thomas will find out, not even one degree.

The sun shinning through my window puts the smallest smile on my face. As soon as I turn my head to see Thomas still lying beside me, my skin crawls and the smirk vanishes. I know I have to get up, my body is just so sore and weak. Not to forget, cold.

I slip on my sweater anyway, I cannot bear another beating in which he tells me that it's for my own good. I stand up and nearly fall over, my leg hurts from being kicked so harshly last night for not fetching him another beer as soon as he was done with his last. Like almost every night, he changes his mind as soon as I'm nearly knocked out and tells me he loves me, begins to hold me and kiss me. Then begs me to come to bed as if nothing happened.

I need to make him breakfast. It has been the daily routine for nearly a year and a half. He wasn't always abusive, I use to love him and he use to truly love me. It all began after his father died of a sudden heart attack and the occasional drink became a hobby, which turned into alcoholism. We use to travel the world together, England to China. China to South Africa. Us being gay meant no kids so we had extra to spend. That was when I was allowed to work, now I'm basically on house arrest, to the last house that I would never want to stay in. Every inch is covered with bad memories. The corner in the living room, he pushed me against the wall and that was the very first time I ever saw anger in his eyes. The dinning room, the dinner I made wasn't good enough so he threw our glass plate at the wall nearly taking my head off. Our bedroom, where he occasionally throws me against our walls so hard that there are more than just a few holes.

We use to be perfect for each other, two gays who had fallen in love despite what their families said. I lost complete contact with mine, Thomas' father was the only one on our side. He stook up for us so much that he divorced Thomas' mom five months into our relationship, a month later he died of a heart attack. I don't think he will ever be able to move on from his father's death. I don't know if he will ever even try to.

In the midst of me thinking and cooking I hear a call from our room, "Louis, is that bacon I smell?"

"Yes and eggs." I say in the right tone, I've been tought the right tone so many times.

"I don't want eggs, you know that."

I actually don't know that but, okay.

"That's okay, I'll eat them." I say.

I then hear footsteps coming from the hallway that comes from our room and leads to the rest of the house. My eyes scrunch a little, I don't know if I should expect a kiss or a punch.

He comes behind me and wraps his arms around my body. A sigh of relief warms my body but this also means I have to play along.

"Goodmorning." His scruff of an unshaved beard rubs against my neck as he whsipers in my ear. The smell of alcohol coming from his breath is overwhelming.

"Goodmorning." I reply as I turn my back to the stove and pull his neck into me and kiss his lips, I have to play along.

He pulls back and says, "The bacon smells delicious."

"Thanks, it's almost ready." I turn back to the stove and continue to cook.

He takes a seat at our kitchen table and grabs his newspaper and tells me about how disgusted he is with the first page as I put bacon onto a plate for him.

"Would you like some cereal too?" I ask.

"Yes."

I grab the only box of cereal there is and pour it into a bowl and add the specific milk I am suppose to buy. I'm only allowed to leave the house to run errands for him or else it's another beating for me.

Before putting his plate of bacon and cereal onto a tray and taking it to him, I pour him a glass of orange juice, guessing it is what he would like.

I take it over to him and take two steps back, afraid he might do something.

"You think I want orange juice? I don't want some damn orange juice. What happened to coffee?" He glares at me as he stands up.

I gulp, "Thomas there is no more."

My words barely came out and my body stiffens, I'm trying to prepare for the worst.

"Why? Did you not buy enough?" His face getting angrier each second.

"You gave me a list.. it said only one pack. I haven't been able to go out since." I just made a big mistake, the words just flew out of my mouth.

"So you are pinning this on me?" He takes a step forward.

"No, I'm so-orry. I didn't mean what I said." I whisper.

He takes a swing at my stomach and I stumble backwards, hitting the pantry.

"Don't ever blame anything on me." He begins kicking at my stomach and yelling.

I begin to cry and tears flood down my face.

A minute goes by and he kneals down beside me and begins to grab me gently and says, "What's wrong? did I do this? I'm sorry, Lou."

"It's okay." I wheep.

"I'm just trying to help you, you just don't know when to shut up." I've heard this before.

"Yes sir."

"Kiss me." He demands.

I do as he says, like always. I'm twenty-eight years old and I will be doing this the rest of my life. There seems to be no way out. So we sit there on the floor as he makes out with me. As much as I want to just push him away and cry, I have to kiss back and I have to act like he's the love of my life.

Thankfully his walkie talkie from work goes off that's sitting on th table and says there is a shooting at a residence and that he needs to be on duty. He ignores the call as he keeps passiontley kissing me as I feel his buldge agasint my body.

He finally stands up and says, "Louis I'll be expecing dinner when I am home. See you tonight."

He winks as he grabs the top to his button up police uniform and puts it on over his wife beater. I flash a smile back and begin to clean up the mess from breakfast.

Finally he walks out the door and locks it, I cannot help but think this is the perfect time.