The Selection

Chapter 69

The next day was another  sentence of house arrest. From time to time, I'd hear the floor creak, and I'd turn my head, thinking that Dad would walk out of the garage, paint in his hair like always. But knowing that wasn't going to happen didn't feel as bad when I could hear May's voice or smell Astra's baby powder. The house felt full, and that was enough for now—its own kind of comfort.

I'd decided Lucy shouldn't wear her uniform while she was here, and after a little protesting, I wiggled her into some of my old clothes that were too small for me but too big for May. Since Mom was busy distracting herself by cooking and serving everyone and I'd decided to tone down my look to sit around the house, Lucy's main job was to play with May and Gerad, a task she took on happily.

We were all gathered in the living room, busying ourselves in our own ways. I had a book in hand, and Kota was hogging the television, reminding me of Celeste. I smiled, betting she was doing exactly that now.

Lucy, May, and Gerad were playing a card game on the floor, each one laughing when they won a round. Kenna was propped up against James on the couch, and baby Astra was finishing a bottle in his arms. It was easy to see the exhaustion in his face, but also the absolute pride in his beautiful wife and daughter.

It was almost as if nothing had changed. Then I'd see Taehyung out of the corner of my eye in his uniform, standing watch over us, and remember that, in reality, nothing would ever be the same.

I heard Mom sniffling before I saw her coming down the hall. I turned my head and watched her walk toward us, holding a handful of envelopes.

"How are you feeling, Mom?" I asked.

"I'm fine. I just can't believe he's gone." She swallowed, forcing herself not to cry again.

It was strange. There had been so many times when I had doubted Mom's devotion to Dad. I'd never caught the glimpses of affection between them that I'd seen in other couples. Even Taehyung, when everything was on the verge of being real but still very much a secret, showed me he loved me more than Mom did Dad.

But I could tell that this was more than the worry of raising May and Gerad alone getting to her, or stress over money. Her husband was gone, and nothing would ever make that right.

"Kota, could you turn off the TV for a minute? And Lucy, honey, could you take May and Gerad into Y/n's room? I have some things to discuss with the others," she said quietly.

"Of course, ma'am," Lucy replied, and turned to May and Gerad. "Let's go then."

May didn't look happy about being excluded from whatever was going on, but she chose not to put up a fight. I wasn't sure if it was because of Mom's heavy demeanor or her love for Lucy, but either way I was glad.

Once they were gone, Mom turned to the rest of us. "You know your father's condition was something that ran in the family. I think he could tell he only had a little time left, because about three years ago, he sat down and started writing these letters to you, to all of you." She looked down to the envelopes in her hands.

"He made me promise that if anything ever happened, I'd give them to you. I have ones for May and Gerad, but I'm not sure they're old enough. I haven't read them or anything. They were meant for you, so . . . I thought this would be a nice time to read them. This is Kenna's," she said, handing over a letter. "Kota." He sat up straighter and took his. Mom walked over to me. "And Y/n."

I took my letter, unsure whether I wanted to open it or not. These were my last words from my father, the good-bye I thought I'd lost. I ran my hand over my name on the envelope, thinking of my father dashing the pen across it. He dotted the i in my name with some kind of squiggle. I smiled to myself, trying to guess what made him decide to do that and not caring at the same time. Maybe he knew I'd need to smile.