The Love of a Daughter

Birthday Planning

Onika POV
Dec. 5

"So, what do you have planned for your birthday?" Mommy asked me while flopping on my bed. It's 4am and we're just up for no reason.

My birthday was literally right around the corner and I still had no plans. Mainly because a 17th birthday isn't really a big thing. Now ask me about my 18th and i'll have a list of things.

Mommy probably wants me to do a lot because I didn't really do anything for my 16th. I was sad that whole day. I would say I was being a brat.

I've came to a realization that most of my actions aren't necessary. I was raised getting everything I asked for when I asked for it. It's not like that in the real world and I have to learn that. I know that now, but there's still times that I have check myself.

"I don't know. And I know you already have things in your head in case I didn't so spill." i told her. I know her, she has plans already.

"Well since you asked. I think you should have a winter wonderland bash. It'll be so beautiful. You could wear an ice queen dress, long jet black hair, crystal heals. Omg" she excitedly responded.

That doesn't sound that bad. But, the way she explained it, there's going to be quite a few people there. And a few people to Carol Maraj means the whole damn town. I'm not sure if this whole anxiety thing would take over. That'll be so embarrassing. "Birthday girl has an anxiety attack at her party." hell no.

"Ma how many people do you plan on inviting? I mean I absolutely love your idea, but do you think the anxiety would be an issue?" i asked. I don't want to shut down her option because I love it. I just don't want to ruin it.

"I meannnnnn, you've been doing great with your emotions right? Nothings holding you back, making you feel down? You know you're supposed to tell me those things. But if you feel it's too much you can let me know. Don't try and hide it because you won't hurt my feelings Pooh. This is your choice. The medicine is working right?" she worriedly asked. All these questions.

It's true that things have been great for me. I haven't had an anxiety attack in about a month or so. The last one was minor. It was a silent one, so not much of an issue. I've also had to learn to express my emotions more. That was pretty hard because i've never done that. I can admit that it feels good to have a secure relationship with my mother.

She doesn't leave me alone when I have to express myself. Every time I share something she shares something as well. I learned a lot about her that I would've never thought she would go through. Doing that has made us closer.

"Nothings bothering me Ma I promise. The medicine is working fine. Can't wait to stop taking it. But, I don't think it'll be an issue. Just being cautious. I think your idea would be wonderful. When do we start planning?" i asked moving closer to her. I love being under her, i feel safe. She's my safe place.

I'm glad that my safe place is my mother, at least I know she's not going anywhere. Or she's not going to mess me over. My last one went MIA. I haven't talked to her in awhile. I miss her but it isn't worth it. Focusing on myself is my main priority right now. Have to make sure i'm good before anybody else. And after me is my mother.

"I know you're tired of taking medicine but until the doctors feel like you can go without it, you'll be taking it. I love you so much and wish only happiness for you. You're my baby." she kissed my forehead. I rubbed her belly receiving a kick from baby boy.

I can't believe she could be having this baby any moment now. I'm really going to have a little brother. If he's born on my birthday that'll be the best gift ever !

Hearing she was having a boy was the best news ever. Although I wanted a sister so bad, I don't think Mommy could deal with another girl. I'm sure I was enough.

"Stop Onika every time you do that he starts kicking like he's crazy. That shit hurts. You'll see when you have a whole human growing inside of you." she popped my forehead. Wow.

How she go from kissing my head telling me she loves me to popping my head. So flip floppy.

"Owe. That hurt. It's not my fault he loves me. Now, when do we start planning? My birthday is in 3 days. 2 days and some hours if we're being real." I can't wait to turn 17. I'm tired of being 16, every one still sees me a kid.

Being 16 was getting so played out. I was supposed it be in my prime turning up. Instead I was going through so much shit.

"Ok, so first you have to get your invites together. Make a list and i'll make a list. When we're done we'll put them together and count everything. I can print the invitations in no time. I can plan and get every thing. I mean that is my daily job. I got this, all you need to do is invite" she said. Sometimes I forget she's a party planner. To her that's the best job to have. I don't agree but I let her have it.

"I have one question though. There's one specific invitation that I need your approval on." I already knew who she was talking about.

I'm not sure if I want to see her. We hadn't seen each other since the talk in the car when I told her I forgave her. That was like 2-3 months ago. She didn't even come to mommy's gender reveal.

"I don't know. We just stopped talking. I have no reason not to invite her"