Power & Control

11: Serial Killer

~A

I thought that after that night in the studio, we'd be able to get along like we did between those four walls. I truly believed our days of pointlessly bickering and sending glares to each other were long behind us, because it was actually exhausting having to keep up with all of it.

I was wrong.

The guy doesn't like waking up early, and he made sure we all knew that each and every morning we'd meet for tour rehearsals. He'd show up all grumpy, making it obvious he didn't really wanna be there. And it was aggravating considering how much he was getting paid to do his fucking job.

I did everything in my power to not snap at him, focusing on my breathing whenever he was being obnoxious. I was holding back for the sake of my band and my pour rehearsal director, who already had to deal with the eight of us at once. He was stressed out and I didn't wanna make his life even harder.

But after near a month of rehearsals, it was finally opening night. I couldn't wait to get on stage again. Releasing the album at the time that I did, I was able to see what songs the fans loved and what songs they wanted to see live, helping me narrow down my selection. I knew that the most dedicated fans that had been around since the beginning of my career held hope of other songs of mine to be performed during tour, specifically the ones that never got the recognition they deserved. If it was entirely up to me, I'd perform every song I ever wrote. However, that wasn't possible not just because of how many there were, but because there was a decision to keep all the songs in the tour cohesive, fitting the persona that was the selling point of the album whether that was by original songs or covers.

But there was one song I always wanted to perform and give to the fans. It wasn't released with my first album because it didn't fit with the rest, and it didn't make the cut for the latest one either. There was a leaked snippet of it online that I still to this day have no idea how it got out, but the fans absolutely loved it. And I did too, because it was a love song from a completely different point of view. It explored obsessive, unhealthy love instead of dressing it up with roses, and the concept of it was something that resonated with me in a way, when I was obsessed with trying to convince myself I loved someone I didn't. And finally, after putting up a fight for it, I managed to get it onto the setlist.

I could hear the chants and screams from backstage as the opening visualizer began playing, my hands slightly shaking from anticipation as I put both my earpieces in place, securing them carefully. The band was already out there, and my heart was thumping in my chest along with the beat of the music. Our first show was in London, and this was the biggest venue of the entire tour. Knowing that it was sold out was both amazing and nerve wracking, but the adrenaline was already pumping in my veins.

"Lex on stage in five, four, three..." I heard my que in my right ear, and I took a final breath before pushing the black curtain out of my way, making my way from the side of the stage to the centre during the intro of Bubblegum Bitch. It was the first song on the track list of my album, and the first single so it only felt right for me to begin the show with it. I broke into a smile to face the full room, though the blinding lights didn't really allow me to see too far back. But it was the best start to a show and a tour I could've asked for, the people signing the words back to me even when I wouldn't sing myself, pointing the mic to the crowd instead.

I was so sucked into interacting with the crowd, I actually forgot I had other people on stage with me, only being reminded of the fact when the first couple of more upbeat songs were over. When the pace slowed down and I was stood at my micstand for some of the slower songs, I found myself glancing to my right. As expected, Niall occupied that side of the stage along with Duncan.