Spring Feelings

Chapter 1 - Butterflies

Cam

If I were an animal, I might be a butterfly. Free, helpless, but curious, what this big world's like. In pre-school the teacher asked us: "Which animal would you like to be?" Everyone said: "A lion.", "A tiger.", "A crocodile." or "A gorilla.", but I said: "A butterfly." They all looked at me, saying: "But butterflies are weak." "But they're beautiful", I said. And that's where it all started. I was different. I knew that. But I didn't think being different is something bad. And it isn't. It's just something bad if you live in a broken society. And I still feel like a butterfly in a world of lions.

It's Saturday morning. I'm still lying in my bed, knowing I'm supposed to do my Chemistry homework. I pick up my phone from the beside table, take a brief look at it and notice some messages lightening up on my screen. Instagram. I can't remember the last time, I received an Instagram-message. Probably spam. I'm about to block the sender, as I take a closer look at the profile. It looks pretty serious. Well, there isn't a photo of the sender xemself, but a series of nightsky photos. I decide to read the messages.

deliagm: Hey, I know you don't know me, nor do I know you.

deliagm: OK, hear me out: I'm probably as old as you. And I've a problem.

deliagm: Why would I open up about my problems to a stranger? I don't know.

deliagm: The thing is: I'm a lesbian.

deliagm: And I'm not ready to come out, yet. So, I need someone to talk to. To open up about it.

deliagm: You think I'm stupid, don't you?

That's a lot. I remember my coming-out. It was psychological stress on its highest. And in the end my mom was just like: "You really thought I didn't know? But thanks for telling me." And then she hugged me.

That was like the coolest reaction, I could've ever imagined. A few days later I asked her, why she knew. She told me, she looked up something on my laptop because she couldn't find her charging cable, when she found: "How do I come out to my parents?" in my Google search history. Of course, I changed all my passwords, right away.

camluvscoffee: Hey, coming-out is hard, I know. But it's also very important. If you aren't ready, yet, give yourself a little more time. But not to much!

Only a few seconds later, a new message drops in:

deliagm: So, you've a coming-out behind you?

camluvscoffee: Yeah, I outed myself a few months ago. My mom was very supportive, but I know that not everyone is that blessed. This may sound weird, but you need to accept yourself first.

deliagm: Accept myself???

camluvscoffee: Exactly. You might think, you already accepted yourself, but you have to ask yourself if you really do. I mean, after all you're still trying to hide that big part of your personality.

deliagm: Sounds plausible. But I don't even want to hide it, actually. I'm just afraid of the reactions. You know, my dad sometimes makes pretty homophobic comments...

camluvscoffee: See, I'm not an expert, but I think you should tell your dad, that you find his comments offending. That's a little first step.

deliagm: And then??

camluvscoffee: You could watch a movie with LGBTQIA+-representation with him and look, how he reacts. Or have a talk about a person, that's part of LGBTQIA+.

deliagm: And what if he reacts badly?

camluvscoffee: Ask him why he reacts badly...

deliagm: OK. And then?

camluvscoffee: You can't influence his mind. But you CAN make him rethink.

deliagm:...

camluvscoffee: And when you think it's time, tell him. Be easy, don't pretend...don't panic.

deliagm: And if he still doesn't accept?

camluvscoffee: Then, he's an asshole.

deliagm: A couple of good advices and then that?!

camluvscoffee: After all, you can't force him to accept you. And if he doesn't accept you of his accord after all of that, he's an asshole.

deliagm: If you say so...

I put my phone away, as it pings again.

deliagm: Talking to you is pretty nice.

I smile.

camluvscoffee: Thanks, I guess :)