Spring Feelings

Chapter 6 - Hollywood stuff

Cam

I'm about to get my self something to drink, as I see mom lying on the sofa, watching one of those gossip-shows. Her shift at Burger King is over, she's still wearing her polo shirt. She makes a little space when she notices me.

"Look, Camila! Shaw Graham is throwing a ball!"

"Just don't talk about those Hollywood-show-offs! And don't come with the 'But he used to date a Dominicano!'."

"But he used to date a Dominicano!"

"Yeah, but for two weeks. TWO WEEKS, Ma!"

"That doesn't matter!"

I roll my eyes.

"Why are you so obsessed with that Hollywood-stuff, anyways?"

"I love drama, baby."

"For heaven's sake!"

"Isn't he handsome?", Mom asks.

I glance at the man on the screen. He has brunette hair, green eyes and dimples. He used to have freckles in earlier years - but somehow they disappeared throughout the years - I'm pretty sure he laserd them away - for an even better career, obviously.

"No...even not if I was into man."

"He has a beautiful daughter. She's as old as you. What's her name again? D..."

"She's probably arrogant and condescending. Like most Hollywood-kids."

"Dahlia! Or is it Delilah?"

"And what kind of...ball does he host?"

"A spring ball. Flower-themed. It takes place in an idyllic park in Bel-Air. And there's a big pavillon."

"That was enough information, thank you."

"Whole Hollywood will be there. In gorgeous gowns."

"Marvelous! I think I need to go now!"

"You could've just told me, you don't like my passion!", she says, played offended.

"Goodbye, Ma! I love you!" I hug her. "Jesus cries, you should really get changed into something else. You smell like frying fat!"

"Not that charming, baby."

"You smell like walking fries."

"I really appreciate your kindness."

I walk towards the wardrobe, as mom calls after me: "I got you a burger. For dinner."

"Your the best!"

"I know!"

***

Asra is pretty much my only friend. Well, not pretty much. They are my only friend. So who do I hang out with on Saturday nights? - Asra!

We walk on the promenade.

"What about that girl...Delia?"

"Not much. She hasn't come out, yet."

"Hmm...I didn't give you any advices on that one afternoon, did I?"

"No, you just asked me if she's hot."

"Right. I just wanted to tell you that my outing...it was a disaster. So, you probably shouldn't ask me for advices."

"I didn't know that."

"Well, we've never talked about it. My parents hadn't spoken to me for days."

"But they seem so chilled when I'm at your's."

"Now they are. But it took them months to accept me as who I am. I'd always been their little girl - Nura. And suddenly, I had a gender they didn't even know existed. But above all of that: I wasn't their little girl anymore. And one day, out of a sudden, they asked me: 'What do you want us to call you now?'"

"You could've told me that."

"I know. I don't know...I just don't want anyone to think badly about my parents, you know."

"I think so. Your parents are really lucky to have you as a child."

They smile. "Cam?"

"Yeah?"

"We should sit down?"

"Okay?"

We settle down on the nearest park bench. 

"What's the matter, Asra?"

"I need to tell you something."

I nod. "What...do you need to tell me?"

"I like you."

"I like you too, Asra."

"No...not in that way. I like you, Cam."

I stare straight into Asra's dark brown eyes, which seem even darker due to the twilight...they seem kind of empty.

"I'm a lesbian, Asra."

"Yeah, I know that. But...I don't think that's a problem."

"I only date women, Asra."

"Look, I did some research. And there are lesbians who date non-binary people."

I chew on my lower lip. "Asra...I really like you, I do. But I'm not attracted to you."

Asra seems sad and a little disappointed.

"I'm so sorry", I say.

"No...no. You shouldn't be sorry. I should've never brought this up."

I stroke Asra's hand. "But...we can still be friends, can't we? Because I don't have any other friends."

"Yeah, of course. To be honest, I'd be screwed without you, too."

I hug them. "Does that feel weird?"

"Not going to lie, a little."

I let go of them. "I think I'll go now."

"I'll accompany you...as a good friend."

"Please can we do the things, we usually do without you saying: 'as a good friend'?"

"But I don't want you to think I've any romantical intentions...though I kind of have romantical intentions because I can't just tell my brain to not be attracted to you, anymore...I don't know. That shit's so hard!"

I pat them on the shoulder. "It's okay."

"Do you like Delia?", Asra asks.

"I don't know, to be honest. I don't really know her. But I like, how she...I don't know...needs me? I like the feeling of being useful."

"Everybody needs you, Cam."

At that moment I step forward and kiss Asra. It feels good, their soft lips on mine, our nose tips touching each other.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to confuse you...just forget about that."

"Did it feel good?"

I swallow. "Yeah, it felt way too good."

And before I can prevent it, I kiss Asra. Again.