Song of a Sophomore

CHAPTER 8 - Run Away

My stomach growls. The girls seated next to me on the bleachers of the Meadow View High School auxiliary gym turn their heads. Someone snickers and want to crawl under the bleachers. It is always my first instinct to disappear when things get ugly.

"Who's that?" a girl whispers.

"No idea. I don't recognize her from Monroe High," says another girl I don't know. "Jennifer, is she from Goose Creek?"

"I've never seen her in my life."

I pretend not to hear the girls asking about me, and stare at the open double doors as Coach Roberts strolls in alongside the redheaded lifeguard carrying a clipboard. The lifeguard dwarfs our coach, whose head barely reached the girl's shoulders. Despite her short stature, Coach Roberts has the presence of a linebacker, robust and unyielding. The sight of them side by side stirs up a well of anxiety. My skin singes with heat, as if hundreds of microscopic fire ants borrowed into my pores.

"Ladies, congratulations to you all." Roberts comes to a stop.

A dozen flawless faces gathered on the bleachers turn at once toward her commanding voice. I sit up straight.

"You are the first varsity cheerleading squad at Meadow Wood High School. That's quite an honor. I know you will treat it as one. I've hand-picked each and every one of you and I expect nothing but your best." Roberts makes momentary eye contact with me and I fight the urge to bite my nails. "And, so does your captain, Miss Bethany Grant."

Bethany sets her clipboard delicately on the floor and her hands snap to her hips. "Like Coach said, I'm Bethany. I'm a junior from Goose Creek High School, but where we come from doesn't matter now. From now on, we are all Meadow Wood High School Bulls."

She smiles wide and claps her hands under her chin, as if this is something to be celebrated. The other girls applauded excitedly. I am obligated to clap, too, even though I wish I could rewind my life to two days ago and decide not try out for the team.

"Coach Roberts asked me to take on the role of squad leader. I will see to it that we all work together as a team. Remember, there is no 'I' in team, girls."

Her perky smile disappears and she presses her lips, taking a long, seriuos pause to let her comment sink in. It takes all my strength not to roll my eyes.

"I recognize most of you from when we used to cheer for little league football, but there are some new faces too." Bethany's pale green eyes land on me. "So we'll spend today doing some team-building exercises, just to get to know each other."

"Great job, Bethany," Roberts says rather unenthusiastically and folds her arms across her chest. "But before you all get to know one another, let me tell you all a little bit about me." 

My stomach clenches and I scoot back in my seat.

Coach Roberts sways, plants her sneakered feet wide, and sinks her fists into her hips, right where her knit tracksuit stretches tightly above her muscled thighs. "For the past twenty-three years, I've taught physical education, health and drivers' ed. I've coached gymnastics for most of that time and began coaching cheerleading three years ago. My girls say I'm tough."

Roberts looks at Bethany, who nods her head in agreement.

"Better you know that now."

This is going from bad to worse. I tap my toes on the wooden bleachers, desperate to flee this stressful situation. I stare at the exits, estimating I can make it across the gleaming hardwood floors and through the double doors in ten long strides. I'd run all the way home and collapse in front of Gloria in a pile of tears, sweat and self-loathing. Even in my daydream, the look of disappointment on Gloria's face is heart wrenching. Mom's pressed lips and furrowed brow churn up all kinds of ugly emotions inside of me—guilt, shame, regret and the idea that if I try a little harder, she might love me more.