Chosen

Chapter 27

"Cedric," I said trying to sound serious, but there was no damping his spirits.

He leaned down and kissed my cheek tenderly.

"Cedric!" I said again pushing against him. "Wait, we need to talk about this."

Cedric pulled back still beaming.

"There is plenty of time to figure everything out my dear Rowan," he stroked my cheek with his fingers when he said my name.

"No," I said firmer, pushing again. This time he listened and released his tight grip, but still smiled. "I need to... tell you something...

I sat back on the bench and he followed and took my hands again.

"Cedric... I- I have to be completely honest with you, about everything... then if you still chose me... I'll happily say yes," I said seriously but his face glowed when I said 'yes'.

"Of course," he said and, to his credit, looked like he was taking this more seriously.

And yet he still drew circles on my hands with his thumbs.

I took a deep breath to tell him everything... then let it out...

Oh my god, I don't think I can do this.

"Cedric, I-" I started and stopped.

He waited.

"Cedric I kissed Finn!" I said fast and closed my eyes again.

Nothing.

I peeked them open again.

He was smiling at me still.

"Is that all?" Cedric asked, rolling his eyes. "I kind of figured when I found you two all cuddled up in the tower..." he said, sounding not quite so happy.

"No, not then... it was last night," I said in a small voice.

I looked up at him and he looked taken about for a moment.

Cedric looked down and then back at me. But he didn't look mad... he looked worried.

"Do you want to be with him instead of me?" he asked softly.

"No! I don't. He's... well... with Lacey..." I said and couldn't keep the sadness from my voice entirely.

He looked me deep in the eyes and made a strange expression I didn't understand.

"Then it doesn't matter. If you chose me..." Cedric said and pulled me closer, "I chose you. And that's all I care about."

"What? Really?" I said in disbelief.

Smiling again he looked like he was going to kiss me.

"Wait!" I said and pulled back.

He raised an eyebrow but was still smiling.

"Cedric... I... I don't think... I don't think I... love you..." I felt the tears fill my eyes as I said it and looked away.

Even now I wished so badly it wasn't true. That I could will it into existence. But it just... wasn't there.

That was it. That was the most important thing for him to know.

After he was silent for a while I finally looked back at him.

His face was more serious but he looked at me fondly still.

"Is that everything then?" Cedric asked.

Well... Also, I love Finn... But that didn't seem necessary to tell him right now... that would pass soon enough after seeing him and Lacey together a few times, I was sure of it.

I nodded, biting my lip, and drew his attention there.

Releasing my hands he cupped my face again and pulled me to him.

I let him.

He kissed me deeply, moving his lips slowly over mine for a few moments then pulled away.

"Rowan, I'm not really sure what love is or how it feels. But I know I care for you deeply and I know you care about me. I know you will be a great queen with a compassionate heart. And that's more than I could ask for," Cedric said sweetly and pressed his forehead to mine.

So... He doesn't love me either?

I felt both hurt and relieved at the same time.

Maybe this really was the best you could hope for.

Someone you could trust and you felt safe with... even if there was no passion or longing... It was enough.

The lack of sleep and all the emotional turmoil of the day made this small feeling of contentment blossom in me.

A grin slowly spread across my face this time and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Yes! Cedric, yes! I accept! I will marry you," I said and tears fell down my face.

Wrapping his arms around my waist he stood and twirled me around in his arms.

I laughed as he did.

Setting me down he kissed me again and I kissed him back.

Still no fiery passion.

But contentment.

That was enough.

But is it? A small deep voice asked me inside.

~

Cedric and I spent several more hours walking around the pond and talking about the future. I asked what this meant for the Season to be over early. He said everyone would all be sent home the next day.

"Except Lacey, of course, she is who Finn chose," he had said matter-of-fact while my breath caught.

I felt sad for Lillian having to leave but knew she was fine with her new nobleman pursuing her. But I would miss her dearly.

Cedric said he wanted to have my mother and sister move here if they wanted as soon as possible. At this news, I grabbed him for once and kissed him. The idea of having my sister here with me was so sweet it brought tears to my eyes.

We talked about the future and what kind of wedding I wanted. I didn't really have much to offer. I hadn't really thought much about it. At this, he was shocked. But then processed to tell me all of his ideas and wishes. They all seemed just fine to me so I agreed.

A guard finally came and told Cedric the Queen was requesting his presence.

He kissed me sweetly on the cheek and left.

Once I was alone everything seemed to click in my head that this was reality.

I felt so many things at this I didn't know where to start deconstructing my thoughts.

So instead I simply walked the gardens more and tried not to think about anything at all.

All I knew was that my future was not only secure but promised to be lavished with every desire of my heart.

Well... Not every desire.

I shook my head.

That was fine.

It would have to be fine.

I would make it fine.