In your shoes

Truth or Dare? [1]

This is my first time writing in first person. I apologize in advance. It will probably suck. I'll most likely write the rest of the book In  third person. I just wanted to try it.

Beatrix's POV

Two days.

Two whole days had passed since it happened. There had been a lot of screaming. Kicking and screaming. Shouting. Shouting horrible things at mom and dad. At the doctor. At Sawyer. They all wanted to know what happened. Except Sawyer. He wanted to know if I was ok. I wasn't. I was tiny. How could I possibly be ok? Stupid truth or dare.

"What will happen to me? Why the heck did I agree to play truth or dare? Why couldn't I have just said no? Why? What is wrong with me?"

"Beatrix?"

I jumped, my eyes frantically looking for the source of the voice. There, by the door stood Sawyer. A concerned look on his normally smiling face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He whispered, guilt lacing his voice. I stared. Wanting to say something to him. But fear held me captive. I tried to speak, but my voice was constricted. He looked down, he looked so hurt. He sighed heavily, "I know you're scared, probably terrified." He looked up, his eyes meeting mine. "But I'm still your brother. That didn't change." His voice broke as he added, "It never will. No matter what."

  Tears filled my eyes. A choked sob fell from my lips, I reached out to him, grasping the air. I wanted him to be near me. Despite my new fear, I wanted my brother. He saw my actions, he asked quietly, "Are you sure?" My voice was still held captive by fear, but I managed a frantic nod. He smiled warmly and very slowly took several steps closer. Once he stood at my bedside, he knelt, being careful and slow; his eyes never leaving mine.

  He was now level with me. His face took up my entire view. My fear rose, I could feel my heartbeat rise, I suddenly felt lightheaded. His eyes widened, his hand flew up and grasped me. I collapsed in his hand, tears falling freely. Choked sobs escaped me. I closed my eyes. I couldn't bare to look at him. I could sense it, knowing he was the cause of my distress was making him feel horrible. But while my eyes were closed, I could feel his hand around me, holding me gently, his thumb ever so slowly stroking my back.

  It felt nice. Like a weird hug. I can't really describe it. But it showed me how much he loved me. Even when I acted like he was a monster, he showed me he still loved me. I let out a half sob, took several deep breaths and opened my eyes. He was looking down at me, his eyes met my now open ones and he smiled. "It's ok Bea." He breathed softly, his voice quiet and loud at the same time. I let out another choked sob and cried again. He lifted me up, held me against his chest and swayed back and forth slowly. His eyes never leaving mine.

  We stayed like that for a while. He held me like a small child and swayed, and I cried like baby. I was so scared. Not of him necessarily. But of everything. This was all new to me. I didn't know what to do.  I was literally the size of an action figure. I was small. Unnaturally so. It felt weird, everything, every noise made me jump, I feel lost. Lost in myself. Lost in this now giant world. I mean I'm literally being held in one hand, by my older brother. If that's not weird, I don't know what is.

  I was calm now. Sitting comfortably in Sawyer's hand. He still held he against his chest. But It actually felt nice, so I stayed. He had sat down on the bed, and was just watching me. Not creepily, but like he cared. There was so much I didn't understand. But all that mattered now was that Sawyer didn't see me as a freak. I felt like a freak. But when do feelings matter In life? I let out a dry chortle. "Feelings. What a joke."

"What's so funny?"

I flinched, and immediately felt guilty. Sawyer saw it. He thinks I'm still scared of him. He looked away briefly, trying to hide the hurt look in his eyes. But I saw it. "You stupid idiot. You hurt his feelings. Again." I extended my left arm, my hand resting on his. I immediately felt the ridges on his hand. It felt different than I expected. "Sawyer." I finally was able to speak. My voice wasn't very loud, but he heard me. He looked back, tears in his eyes.