For Lola

Before

I was 17 when it happened; I lost him.

My friend, lover and soulmate. my only flashing light in the darkness I was living in. He made me laugh, cry and break down all at the same time. He was something different. Magnetic, electric, charismatic. We were two very different people when we met, but the first time I saw him I just knew. He was it. Two opposite poles yet we were pulled to each other like a giant magnet.

I had been looking for him ever since my parents died. Oh how tragic that was. It was unexpected, like everything in this world, I suppose. How? They were going out like every other night, drinking themselves to sleep. It was normal for me, living with alcohol addicts in my house. They were nice people, until the evening. Then suddenly they showed up like monsters by my bed. I was frightened by every move they then made. That was until the dawn disappeared and the light broke trough the trees into my room. I particularly grew up on my own, so their loss left me somehow unemotional. I didn't cry. I have never cried in my whole life. I always thought it was for the weak.

Until then, when I showed up at Charles appartement last night, he was gone. He just left. No goodbye note, no food on the counter to eat until he comes back, no sweaty clothes on the wooden floor in the bedroom. Nothing. The appartement was neater than it has ever been. He went away like a summer breeze in late August. It doesn't always have to take long, but it's intense.

That's why I'm writing you Lola. I don't know what all of this is. I have no idea what it means to me and if it is meant to be called 'destiny'. I don't know how this is going to turn out, since i have no one to turn to besides you. My life has been, despite all the terrible things that happend, always been the same old thing, then Charles came and everything just changed. He was older than me, 6 years to be exact. He has more things on his mind than I could ever imagine. His life was a tumbling series of events and I was his only constant. He needs me, I know he does.

Help Lola, please, because I want to know if I will still exist after this.