Broken

Chapter 9: Courtney

"Start from the beginning." My therapist, Ms. Rose, who's a nice old lady states. Part of my rehabilitation program is to see a therapist to help with my issues. I had been in here for a week now and it's the best I've been in years. I'm been on a schedule that helps make sure I'm eating correctly and getting enough sleep. It also helps that I'm not near Valentine's Playhouse or James, wear I use my alcohol and cigarettes.

I take a deep breath. Letting out my emotions has never been easy. That's part of the reason why me and Duncan didn't work out. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and that I was so proud of him but it just channeled in other ways that were less than compassionate.

"It all started when I went to that stupid island." I couldn't help but laugh at those times. When I was happy. Or at least happier. "There I met Duncan. I totally hated him at first. He was a rule breaker, my total opposite. But then he started to show his soft side and I fell for him. I got voted off after our first kiss so I didn't see him that much. I didn't get on Season 2 of the show, so I spent most of my time watching him, getting closer to Gwen...." Her name sounded so bitter off my tongue. I shook my head. "It was my own dumb insecurities. She was so much like him. And I was so different. I mean, why go for the uptight bitch when you could have someone so laid back. So like you." Tears welled up and spilled over as I continued.

After I got on TDA, things got rocky. I was pissed at him for flirting with Gwen, and he was pissed at me for being a bitch. And we just broke up. I was so convinced he was gonna get together with Gwen. But he didn't.
At least not yet. By the start of Season 3, we had reconciled and it was happy for the most part, until he quit. I was so mad and angry that he left me. But mostly sad. In that time I started to form a friendship with Gwen. A weird friendship. It's like we were more similar than we thought. And then Duncan came back and the shit hit the fan."

My heart ached as I recalled what happened 3 years ago. I didn't think about it much, I was always to drunk. But now that I was sitting here, telling it to a complete stranger, I felt real pain. It felt like every time I took in a shaky breath, I could feel something pierce my heart. And it wasn't heartburn.

"They started to see each other behind my back. Maybe it was because I was naive. Or because I didn't want to believe that my best friend was hooking up with my boyfriend, whom she says she is "just friends" with. It wasn't until Tyler spilled the beans in Greece that I finally had to accept reality. Duncan loved Gwen, and she loved him back. And it hurt. It hurt fucking bad too. After that I started being friends with Heather." I sighed at her name and just sat there, still uncomfortable.

She sits there for a while, writing stuff down. Then she speaks. "Alright. When did you start drinking and smoking?" I thought back. "It was right after we got back from Season 3. Instead of going to college, I moved out. I started to drink heavily because when I was drunk I could ignore the pain that I was drowning in. I could ignore the aches that heart constantly had. It was after that that I met James once I started working at Valentine's Playhouse. He was a sweet talker. Also managed to get me in bed by 3:00. He's a smoker. After a couple hookups I finally tried smoking and got hooked. He smokes weed, and I've only done it once, not my thing."

She nods and continued writing. "Why are you here today?" I ponder this for a moment. Why am I here? "Because Heather wanted me to get better. Her dying made me realize that life's too short to be spending it getting drunk and doing nothing. I just wish she could be here to see it."
Finally Ms. Rose stops writing and looks at me. She reaches over and puts a comforting hand on my knee. "I'm sure she would be proud of you." I nod. "So what are you going to do now?"

"When I get out of here I'm going back to college. One of the mentors here, Janet, knows a guy who works at Fairland, that college. After looking at my grades from high school they said they would have me after I got clean. I plan to study Music." She smiled brightly at me for a moment, then resumes her serious face. "Have you ever thought of.....talking to them?" She didn't even say their names and I knew who she was referring to.

Honestly I have. One of the things in my rehabilitation plan is to make amends with people. And they are, truly the only people I have unresolved issues with. On my part. Duncan and Gwen apologized and I rejected it. But now, I'm starting to see their story in a new light. "Yea. I do want to talk to them. Hopefully soon." Ms. Rose stayed smiling at me this time.

I'm in my room studying music when a knock is at my door. It's Mona, one of my other mentors. "Courtney. You have some visitors." She smiling brightly.

I'm shocked to see Duncan and Gwen sitting on a in the visiting room. I'm almost tempted to go back to my room, but I know that if I don't do this now, I'll never do it. Imagining Heather watching me from heaven helps down. I walk over slowly and sit in the arm chair right next to it. I'm sure I look much better than I did when they saw me weeks ago. My hair is till dark and long, but it's tame and I actually wear it down. My eyes don't have the same dark circles that once made me look like a raccoon although I am wearing my glasses instead of contacts. We just stare at each other before I talk first.

"I wasn't expecting you guys here.....hell. I wasn't expecting myself here." Gwen smiles weakly at me. "How are you?" I smile back, for the first time in forever. "I'm better. The best I've been in a couple years. But I guess since your here, I should tell you what I was going to say when I was released.....I forgive you guys for what happened during World Tour." Gwen and Duncan looked shocked to say the least. "Why?" Gwen whispers. "I realized that I don't want any regrets. I don't want to spend my life hating you guys over something that happened when we were teenagers. Life's too short. I care about you guys. Even after the fact, I still did and I still do." Gwen has tears in her eyes, and Duncan's smiling also. "Thank you." I nod. "I'm willing to forget and start over. Only if you want to." They both nod. I get up and hug Gwen. Tightly, and we both laugh as we start crying. For the first time in forever, my life finally doesn't feel all broken.
-this is the last chapter before the epilogue. I really enjoyed writing this part and I hoped you guys enjoyed reading it. Epilogue time now!