remains • b. barnes

8

Check warnings at the beginning of the book if you're not a Grucky veteran lol

The wind was heavy that first night at the Compound, branches snapping from trees and scattering themselves out in the ruins. I shut the blinds, and then the neat grey curtains. But a minute later, as I laid in bed, ten feet from the window, my eyes fixed on it, I got up again. I opened the curtains, opened the blinds. Better to see if something was out there.

And yet—what if it tricked me? I thought of Bucky, and how he'd managed to convince himself I hadn't wanted to kiss him. What had that been about—was that his guilt complex, or did he feel the same way I did? Did he feel like reality in this place was somehow just out of reach?

I tried to think about Bucky right next door. I wished he was with me. I wished he was in my bed, holding me. I wondered if he'd do that if I went over and knocked on his door. I thought he probably would.

Bucky's phone had vibrated the same second he'd kissed me earlier today, in my room. He'd groaned in annoyance, straight into my mouth.

"I gotta go, sweetheart," he said when he checked his phone. "But I'm gonna figure out what's going on with your apartment. You don't have to worry about it."

I nodded. After he kissed me, the second he'd realized I still wanted him, he seemed fine again, making that same intense eye contact as before, urgently taking care of me like on Monday, when he'd given me his jacket.

"I'm not gonna be able to see you as much as I want today. But you're gonna be good? If you start looking into your apartment?" he asked. "You're not gonna go looking anywhere you shouldn't? You're gonna come find me if you think of anything?"

"Yes," I said, full of butterflies. I felt like an idiot, but I didn't care about my burgled apartment at that moment.

"Yes what?"

"Yes—I'll be good." My heart was pounding. For a split second, my brain had shut off, and I'd thought I was supposed to say daddy. I nearly had.

"Yeah?" he prodded. "Tell me that again, but look at me. Don't look away this time."

I hadn't been aware of how my eyes had flickered down, too timid all of a sudden to look at him. I forced myself to do it anyway.

"I'll be good," I breathed.

"Okay, now I believe you," he said, and kissed my lips. "Come find me if you need me. I'll be around still."

Definitely not an invitation to his room at midnight, but now that it was dark and I did need him, I didn't think it was an unreasonable interpretation to assume he wouldn't mind if I knocked.

But then again, I didn't have his phone number to text first. How did I not have his phone number? (I'd met him five days ago, I remembered).

Shit. I'd met him five days ago. Who was I supposed to trust around here?

I got up again. I went over and shut the blinds again. Sam had dropped off Redwing earlier, and I picked it up from my little coffee table and placed it on my bed. I sat cross legged in front of it.

I clicked through its controls, ran it through all of its non offensive operations. But it was fine. I couldn't find anything wrong with it. I'd have to ask Sam for a more specific description of the glitch. I chewed my lip until it tasted bloody. How was it just fine, when Sam had said it wasn't?

I wished I'd brought tools to take it apart. I really did like to disassemble things anyway. There was a catharsis in it. Breaking down and rebuilding, even if I put it back together just the same as before. In doing so, I got to check each piece and make sure it's just right. Soothing diagnostics for the hypochondriac robot. Maybe that was all Redwing needed.