Carpe Vitam

Day 2

Morning. The group has gathered around the tree. Most are silent, some are crying, sobbing. Mia's eyes are red, but there are no tears on her face right now. Peter's devastated. He's not crying, but as if he was lost, he's just staring at the tree, deeply in disbelief. A lost soul.

Adam and Kevin are there too. They have known Jenny for some time, have been on relatively good terms. But they are not particularly sad, more like dumbfounded. Both of them are sure that they can't quite grasp the gravity of the situation. Such a loss (and so unexpectedly) is quite the pill to swallow.

Adam: Doesn't feel real.

Kevin nods. Few seconds, maybe a minute passes by in silence.

Kevin (gently): Some go sooner than others. It's just how it is. But it's time to go. There's no point in stopping.

People slowly start leaving, some stay a little longer. Eventually everybody's gone.

Adam and Kevin go upstairs, sort of regroup, prepare to continue their holiday and not let depression get the better of them. Adam opens the door of their balcony and surveys the beach. Calm down a little.

Kevin likes the idea, so he joins.

Kevin (surprised): Is that Mia? (squinting) Talking with Tom?

Adam: Yeah.

Adam looks at Kevin, noticing his surprised expression.

Adam: She has a lot of friends. A lot of them guys. I told you, it's not anything special.

Kevin doesn't respond. Simply raises his eyebrows, looks undecisive. Maybe Adam's right? Doesn't know what to think. Lets it go.

After half an hour of small talk and shitty jokes to lighten up the mood, an opportunity comes up.

Kevin: Hey, actually, Tom told me that some of the guys want to go to the gym, try out the equipment, maybe play something. You wanna go?

Adam (short hesitation): No.

Kevin: You're not being very open here, dude.

Adam: Uh, come on. Go if you want to. (sarcastic, pretending to be sobbing) I promise I won't cry. I just don't feel like going. Maybe I'll head down to the beach, I dunno.

Kevin (somewhat disappointed): Sure, bro.

Kevin soon leaves. Adam contemplates what to do. Like always, when he's alone his thoughts start racing.

Why did they invite Kevin and not him? They have him as a contact. He's always the last one who gets invited. At least he gets invited? Sure, but that's not enough. Why are they going to the gym anyway? There are a lot of opportunities here, why something so insignificant? Adam would surely take those other opportunities instead... hmm. Or maybe not. He's lying to himself. Successful people don't take, they create opportunities. He should go down and see who stayed. Start up a conversation, invite someone so that they can explore a little bit? Mia. Yeah. It would be cool. She's pretty. Especially in a swimsuit... What is he thinking? He's introverted, he can't handle something like this. Besides, he's always saying how they don't have anything going on. Maybe that's right. Maybe it isn't. He really doesn't know. If only she said something.

OK. Time to man up. He can't stay in his room all day. Alone. Such a small thing, yet requires mountains of courage. He leaves his room.

As he's walking down the corridor, getting close to the stairs, he notices an open door to one of the rooms. Peter's inside, books around him, laptop turned on. He seems to be studying? Adam takes this opportunity.

Adam (slowly opening the door): Hey. How are you?

Peter (looks up, then immediately borrow his head into the books): I'm fine.

Adam: You didn't go to the gym either huh?

Peter: Nah, I don't really want to.

They don't say anything for a few seconds. Adam's thinking hard. This is not right.

Adam: I... uh, can't really imagine what everything's like for you right now, but I think you should make sure that you don't let yourself go.

Peter: Yeah, well. I think that's exactly what I'm trying to do here.

Adam: Which is what, exactly?

Peter: You know that the purpose of this holiday IS to study, right?

Adam: Sure. (a bit pushy) But like, we both know you're not the type of guy who stays in while others hang out.

Peter (annoyed): Maybe that's who I should be. Jenny died. We argued hours before. I acted like a complete fucking asshole with her. And now she's gone and I can never apologize. This feeling is a wound in my soul and it's never gonna heal.

Adam listens. Doesn't try to make this an argument. He thinks. He understands. He listens.

(continued): Which is only right, actually. Because that's exactly what I am to everyone whose life I touch. A festering, irritating wound.

Adam: You're wrong.

Peter: Man, fuck off.

Adam: OK. Things are gonna get better. I promise.

Peter shakes his head, but doesn't say anything. Adam leaves the room.

Adam goes down to the beach and aimlessly wanders. He tries to seem like he has a destination. Some people from his group stayed and are playing cards on the beach. They notice him and invite him to join them. Adam does so, but he doesn't play. He's sort of just present. Mia's there too, but they don't talk.

An hour or so later, the guys return. By this time, everyone seems to have forgotten, or rather ignored, what happened to Jenny. Even Adam. But that's okay. Life moves on. So do they. Adam thinks about this a bit, but tries not to get into it too much. What if he had died? Would have been just as sudden. Whatever. No point in that mentality.

Soon, some of them head into the sea, swim, enjoy the water. Adam and Kevin follow.

It's a nice night. The sun has gone down, the air has cooled, yet the water is still warm. The full moon's silver shine reflects on the edges of the gentle, rocking waves.

Adam's content. For now. This will surely become a memory worth looking back on. But in this perfect, wonderful, dream-like moment he can't help but think to himself: 'I keep wasting my time.'