August:
I step into the bathroom again and look in the mirror. Standing straight hurts still so I have a bit of a hunch to me but otherwise, I look normal. Well, normal for me. I don't hate how I look but I'm not super happy with myself either, that's to be expected though I'm not much to look at.
I don't think this damn bathroom door even latches. I kept it half open for weeks for no damn reason. I can hear that blonde nurse babbling as she comes into my room, Andrew knows her but I can't remember her name. "Is he in the bathroom?" she whispers quietly. I can hear someone peaking around the curtain. It blocks my room from the view of random people without being soundproof, I'm still not to be trusted.
"Yeah" Andrew answers quietly matching her tone. I shouldn't be listening in on them, maybe I should turn on the sink to drown out the noise a bit? I twist the handle in an attempt to make them easier to ignore. "So? Have you kissed him yet" Shit. I for sure was not supposed to hear that. Kiss me? Andrew? No. I'm not gay. He's not gay? He doesn't know me that well anyway, why would we kiss? Why would anyone kiss this?
I look back at the mirror, my pale face is pink. My hair is oily and it's so long that it hides my eyes from most angles. I'm gross. I haven't washed my hair properly since I got here. It's pretty much been exclusively washcloth baths. The shower has no curtain and is in plain view of the door, so when I was cleared to shower, I didn't want anyone to see me naked. Who would think this is good-looking?
"Of course not! Our relationship isn't like that. I think he's straight anyway." Andrew whispers. I have to make this conversation stop, I can't handle it. I wet my hands and turn off the water. I make sure to loudly open the creaky door so they know I can hear them.
Andrew pulls back the curtain "Hey!" He beams. "Hey." I said it so coldly, what is wrong with me? "How are you today?" The nurse asks "Uh, good, I'm e-excited to go home" My voice is so shaky. "Do you need a ride home?" Andrew is looking at me like a hopeful puppy. Shit.
YOU ARE READING
Learning to Cope
RomanceA promising nursing student volunteers for the "golden angels program" at his local hospital where he meets a man struggling with his mental health and the cards life has dealt him. How will he recover? (This story is the product of disassociating)
