Learning to Cope

Ch2 Page 20

August:

I can hear what sounds like quiet crying from the hallway. I enter my room. Andrew is curled up against the wooden headboard with his knees pulled tight to his chest. He's shaking slightly and his eyes are red and swollen. He's quietly sobbing, strands of his perfect hair are stuck to his cheeks. I've never seen him so upset.

"Are you okay?" I pull myself onto the bed next to him. "I'm s-such a...a coward-d" He stutters between sobs. I wrap my arm around him. "You have more bravery than most of the soldiers I've met, I don't think you're a coward." He looks up, tears still falling.

"I-I really... I really like you and I'm... too scared to tell you all the time. You're just so handsome and sweet and I don't want to ruin our friendship but I want to kiss you all the time a-and I think about you all the time and I miss you all the time..." He's rambling. I don't know what to think. He's drunk, he doesn't mean it. He can't mean it.

"I really like you too" I nervously crumple the soft sheets in my hand. He won't remember me telling him tomorrow, right? "Y-you're drunk, if you still feel this way when you're sober, we can talk about it then..." I don't want him to regret telling me. If he doesn't actually feel this way, I want to give him the chance to take it back. I'm needy and annoying, I don't know what he could even see in me.

"I will still feel this way when I'm sober though..." he sniffles. I'm just a bundle of anxiety and trauma, there is no reason for him to feel more than contempt for me, the fact that he enjoys my company at all still baffles me. "I really hope so." I smile. "Get some rest. You need it"

Andrew slowly sinks into the bed and curls up under the thin blanket, I usually give him my comforter, this blanket isn't nearly as big and puffy. I'm gonna have to use my sleeping bag, I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

I reach into my closet and grab the rolled-up sleeping bag from the top shelf. "What are you doing?" Andrew asks sleepily. Was he asleep already? Damn, that's impressive. "You're not sleeping on the floor." He pats the bed next to him. "A-are you sure?" I ask quietly. "It's YOUR bed, if anyone should be sleeping on the floor, it's me." He giggles. "Really, it's okay, I don't have a proble-" "Shhh just get over here." I cautiously approach. I'm not afraid of him, but I want him to have time to change his mind if he decides he doesn't want to be that close to me.

My bed is a queen so it's not super big and I'm not sure if he's comfortable with me being that close. He scoots closer to the wall and lifts the blanket for me. Is it hot? Am I just really nervous? This is platonic, don't panic. Don't be an idiot. My heart can stop racing any moment, that would be appreciated. Sleeping in my work clothes is gonna suck, I smell like booze.

I lay down and turn over so I'm not facing him. It's dark enough, he probably can't see my face turning red but I don't want to risk it. "You're so damn cute." He whispers before rolling over and dozing off. Oh god, this? Cute? Absolutely not.