ineffable | carl gallagher

2.6

today was the first day carl had been back to the gallagher household in months, he'd been spending all his time at jax's apartment, which carl was starting to realise maybe wasn't as healthy as he had originally thought.

walking back into the house he felt like a traitor, he doesn't know how ian did it for so long, it felt wrong, but he knew it was something he had to do, he had to talk to fiona.

he called out for her hoping that she would appear, she came from downstairs looking confused, almost as if over the last few months carls voice had become unfamiliar, which broke his heart, he hadn't realised how much he had neglected his family.

"carl" she said shocked, "i didn't expect you to be here"
he sighed "i need to talk to you, i'm scared" he looked up at her with tears welling in his eyes, and that's what broke fiona, the thought of a child that she was supposed to take care of, scared. as at the end of the day that's all that carl was, a child. he was still navigating his way around the world and she'd failed as a guardian.

without words fiona just sat down and hugged carl, and that's all it took for him to break down he'd been holding so much in and all it took was fiona to make him feel like he was safe. he wasn't scared anymore, he was where he belonged, but something was nagging at the back of his mind, one name. one face. one person. jax, and that made him cry even harder.

once he'd stopped crying he opened his mouth to talk to fiona.

"i just don't think he's the person i thought he was"
fiona was confused by this, "what do you mean?" carl sighed, "i don't know if you've seen his instagram but he had a gun, and i think he was going to kill someone, and then he got angry at me for being concerned" at the end of this carl was shaking and struggling to breathe. after all of this he was still so worried about jax, and that's what broke him the most.

"where was jax when this all happened?" that made his heart drop "i- i don't know he hasn't been home in 3 days"

home.

he still calls it home.

because it's still home.

jax is still home.

"maybe you should go and find him"

that's exactly what he should do.

he flew out of the gallagher house and ran straight to jax's apartment. as soon as he got there the door was unlocked so he ran straight in. and there he was on the floor, crying.

everything that carl had been thinking before about how bad jax was melted away in that moment his love was crying on the floor and he just needed to help.

he ran over and just hugged him whilst jax cried and cried.

he was whispering "i had to" "i had to do it" "he would've killed me" over and over again and that made carl scared.

"what did you have to do jax?" "what was it?"

but jax couldn't get his words out everything was just too traumatic and that was okay. just as long as he had jax back

as long as they were together

he was home.

a few days had passed and jax knew that he had to talk to carl. they were sat eating dinner and jax placed his knife and fork together and sighed, carl looked at him with nothing but love in his eyes and that's when he knew he had to come clean.

"i'm part of a small gang, and we have to kill people for drugs."

out of all the things jax could have said, he didn't expect it to be this. he knew jax could be dangerous and he knew that he had to do something to acquire the copious amounts of drugs he seems to have, but this wasn't it. there was also something that didn't make sense.

"if that's what you do, how come you were so scared the other day." there it was, the question jax didn't want to answer.

"it's kind of complicated, if you want to think of it in terms of a cheest mafia style book i'm the leader, so i've never really had to do that before." 

"okay..." carl didn't really know what to say to that, but as long as he had jax, he was sure he'd be okay.