𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐈𝐯𝐲 𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 | HP One Shots

cardigan | wolfstar

~ You drew stars around my scars but now I am bleedin' ~

•

"Moons, you need to stop this, okay? You can't keep calling yourself a monster when you are clearly not one. A person isn't defined by what they are but rather by who they are. You are not a werewolf. You are Remus Lupin, Mr Perfect Prefect and the golden boy. Stop degrading yourself like that."

Remus' jaw tightened as he gazed into Sirius' stormy grey eyes. He wanted to argue. He wanted to scream on the top of his lungs that he was a heinous beast who had hurt his best friend. He vividly remembered how James, transformed as Prongs, had been trying to keep Remus from going outside the Shrieking Shack but Remus looses all control when he is a werewolf. The werewolf doesn't recognise the difference between friend and foe, because for him, every living being is a prey. And so, Remus had grappled Prongs and clawed at his upper arm with his the whole force of his front paws. James had transformed back right then and the look on his face, his bloody arm that looked too horrible-

Remus closed his eyes tightly and exhaled a ragged breathe through his mouth.

"Yeah," he replied at last, "yeah I get it. I- I won't say anything- okay?" Sirius was obviously unconvinced by his non-committal answer but he nodded nonetheless.

"I am going to go check up on Lily but you stay here. I'll be back in a jiffy," mumbled Sirius as he started to walk away, "and Moons, I love you. We all love you. Just remember that, alright?"

Remus hung his head low as he felt tears swelling up in his eyes and nodded once. He sat still on the bench outside the Hospital Wing until he could no longer hear the sound of Sirius' fading footsteps.

It was so easy for him to say that, wasn't it? Casually saying those three words to Remus without thinking about the consequences? Well, in Sirius' defence, he didn't know about Remus' feelings towards him. Sirius didn't know how Remus felt this warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach whenever he smiled at him. He didn't know how Remus felt a spark of electricity travel up his spine whenever he touched him. He didn't know how Remus couldn't stop the booming smile on his face whenever he heard Sirius' voice even when they were in different corners of the room. He didn't know how Remus was really, truly, so much in love with him that he felt like throwing himself off a cliff and flying high up in the sky both at the same time. He didn't know how Remus felt like a goldfish in a sea full of sharks and a butterfly in a swarm of moths at the same time.

Sirius didn't know how, for Remus, he was like the most beautifully written masterpiece of a book. A book which is so close to your heart that you don't recommend it to anyone because you don't want someone else to read it. You want it to be yours, all yours. A book that, whenever you read it, you feel like you're floating in your own bubble of imagination. And no matter how many times you read it, you don't ever get fed up of it because everytime you feel something that you hadn't felt before. Everytime, there is this one paragraph or a sentence that you feel like you hadn't read the last time, and it awakens another little part of your soul and you fall in love with the book all over again.

You fall in love with the writing, the binding, the smell of the book.

You fall in love with every single chapter, even if some of them leave you in tears. That's what felt like falling for Sirius. Remus fell for his carefree laugh, his twinkling eyes, his charming personality, everything about him.

But.

But that was it. Sirius didn't feel that way about Remus. Sirius didn't feel that way about anyone really because Sirius Black was like a tornado.

He could blew up a person, turn their life upside down with just a wink of the eye. He was a force that was unmatched. He didn't do feelings and relationships. He didn't do dancing in Levi's and getting drunk under the streetlights. He wasn't someone who would put a hand under your sweatshirt. He wasn't the kind of person who would play hide-and-seek and give you his weekends. He didn't do stuff like kissing in cars and downtown bars. That all was just not his forte. Instead, Sirius Black was like a kiss-em-leave-em kind of person who thrived on adventures. He always made himself pretty clear for all the girls and boys that whatever he wanted was casual. He didn't get into complicated stuff like emotions and love.

Whereas Remus was the complete polar opposite. He was a guy who you would expect to settle down with someone in a cozy little cottage and drink tea in the front of the fireplace while cuddling with his significant other. But Remus also knew that he could not have that. Because he was a monster.

That was another reason why Remus chose not to tell Sirius anything about his feelings for him. Sirius' life was already hard enough without Remus' dumping all that over him. He didn't want Sirius to lose the innocence and the immaturity and all the fun of being a teenager.

So what if Sirius would always linger over Remus like a tattoo kiss? What if every little thing would remind him of Sirius? What if Sirius would always haunt all of Remus' what-ifs? At least Sirius would be happy and that's all that matters because when you're in love, you don't care about whether your love is requited or not, whether you are with that person or not, the only thing that is of importance is the happiness of that person.

Maybe Remus knew from the starting that his love was never going to be reciprocated, that Sirius was never going to see Remus as anyone other than his best friend. But maybe that's what teenage love is. You know that the end's not going to be the one that you want. You know that it's going to leave you in tears. But you still make the jump.

You know that it's going to draw stars around your scars, yeah, but you're just going to end up bleeding. And you still go for it because you are too young to know anything.

•

I tried. I don't feel like it's too good because at one point I completely fell off the string of the song because I couldn't make up anything to relate Wolfstar to cardigan except that one scars-stars line so I just kind of winged it I guess.

Though, I hope you like it because it took two hours *sigh*

Love,
Dee x