The Former Love Of My Life (Sequel to Undercover Love )

Chapter 21

Julia's POV

"Woah woah woah woah ! Slow down baby" Ben giggled, desperately trying to get away from me and my massive assault of kisses long enough to lock the front door behind us. 

Completely ignoring him, I kept kissing and nipping along his jaw relentlessly while blindly reaching down to his belt and trying to undo it.

"I'm really not one to complain, but usually you're not like that at all" he said again, sounding both amused and pleasantly surprised. "Did you really miss me that much ?"

He was right. I was never like that. But for some very weird and unknown reason, I felt strangely horny today. Maybe it was the plane ride ? Maybe I had indeed really missed Ben ? I honestly had no idea what the reason was but the second we got back home from the airport, I lost all self-control. We'd barely made it past the door that I'd already jumped on the poor guy. 

"Hey hey hey..." he hushed, as if trying to calm me down. "Just let me take you to the bedroom and I'll be all yours baby. I promise."

A bit reluctantly, I forced myself to stop acting like a dog in heat and let him carry me to our room.

♡♡♡

Ben had just finished showing me just how much he had missed me too and we were lying together on the soft matress, with nothing more than a bedsheet covering our naked selves. My head was resting on his chest as I stared at the ceiling. I was trying to hide it the best I could, but I was feeling oddly upset and frustrated.

Frustrated because though the sex with Ben was usually okay, this time I really hadn't had a blast. And upset because... 

I'd kept seeing and thinking about Hanson during the whole thing.

I rolled my eyes and sighed internally. What in heavens was wrong with me ?

Well, I was tired from my trip, that had to be it. The two days spent with Tom had nothing to do with it whatsoever.

My mind began wandering at the thought of him. Sex with him was...something else entirely. We had an amazing physical chemistry, that much was undeniable. Never in my life had I felt more sexually compatible with someone. But then again, we were very young back then. Things change. Maybe if we were to sleep together again now, it would be different and a lot less fulfilling. Anyway, it wasn't like I was planning on finding out.

"You know, I was thinking..." Ben suddenly broke the silence, causing me to jump slightly as I was abruptly pulled out of my inner world. "Maybe we should set a date for the wedding."

My stomach twisted in tight knots and I felt a lump forming in my throat, almost choking me. 

"W-what ?" I whispered almost inaudibly, my voice slightly shaking.

"Well...we've been engaged for a while now and I really can't wait to finally be able to call you my wife."

"Ben...you know I...don't wanna rush things" 

"We'll hardly be rushing things" he let out a little laugh. "I mean, we've been waiting for months now."

Oh god. 

I didn't have any idea what to respond to that. He was right, we'd been engaged for months so it was more than time to take it to the next level and get married. I knew this was coming, I'd agreed to his proposal after all. That was what I wanted. Yet the prospect of becoming a married woman somehow scared the shit out of me. I probably had my fear of commitments to blame for that, the same that had blown my relationship with Tom all those years ago.

I wasn't gonna let it destroy everything once again though. This time, I was willing to face it, and to get over it.

"Alright...let's do it" I said, forcing a small smile as I tried to ignore my growing anxiety.

Ben beamed at me and leaned down to plant a sweet, loving kiss on my lips.

"You could already start looking for a dress, it would get you in the mood. I'm still busy at the studio but I could probably take a day off or two sometime this week and go with you...I know it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the wedding but..."he smirked teasingly, knowing damn well that I didn't care about all these stupid traditions.

"Come on, you know I'm not superstitious !" I chuckled, hitting his arm playfully.

"Just kidding" he raised his hands up as if in surrender. "No but seriously, I just thought  you might wanna go with Aly. Girls usually like doing that kinda stuff with their best friend."

The thought of Tom crossed my mind again at the mention of  'best friend' but I quickly shrugged it off.

"You can both come ?" I offered. 

"Whatever you want princess" he brought his face closer to mine and kissed me slowly. "Anyways...How was Paris ? And how is uh...Tom, right ?"

"Oh it was uh...nice" I replied slowly, carefully choosing my words. "And Tom's good."

"Great. You have a great time ?"

"Yeah...I did" I bit my lip, recalling that I had something to tell him. "That reminds me...just how many days off you think you could take in, say, the near future ?"

"Um...I don't know" he thought for a moment. "Probably not so many at a time though. I really gotta finish my album first. Why ? You wanted to go on a summer vacation or something ?"

"Kinda" I said as I absentmindedly started to play with a piece of my hair. "Remember this place I told you about where I used to work back when I was a cop ?"

"You mean the old chapel ? Jump- uh...Jump Street ?"

"Yep" I nodded in confirmation. "Well, they''re doing a get together there next week with everyone I used to work with, and I kinda wanted to go. Some of them were close friends so I thought it'd be nice to see them again."

"I'm so sorry baby, I really wish I could make it" Ben apologized, sounding like he genuinely felt bad about it. "But why don't you ask Tom to go with you ? He used to work there too, right ?" he then suggested as he started to stroke my arm soothingly.

"Yeah, he's going. But I can't just leave you here. I don't even know how long I'd be gone for. Might be a few weeks. It's been so long since I've last been to my hometown you know..."

"Hey" he whispered, gently pulling me to face him. "You're allowed to go places and do things without me. You're free to do whatever you want, go wherever you want, whenever you want, with whoever you want for however long you want. You don't need any kind of permission from me, nor anyone else for that matter, either. I think I already told you that before but I don't onw you Lia, nor do I want to. All I want is for you to be happy and enjoy yourself. So you go and have fun with your friends 'kay princess ? And you and I will take a vacation of our own as soon as we get the chance."

"'Kay" I muttered, smiling at him adoringly as he cupped my cheek to tilt my head and kiss me softly, before slowly pulling me to lay on top of him.

Despite the comfortable position, I remained wide awake all night, unable to stop thinking about how much I didn't deserve a man as precious, sweet and loving as Ben and, most problematic of all, unable to stop missing the feeling of Tom's arms around me. 

🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀

Chapters like this one actually make me feel really bad for Ben...

Anyway...how do you feel about the fact that Ben won't be able to go to the Jump Street reunion with Lia and that she will, once again, find herself alone with Tom ? Do you think she will even go ? 

I hope you guys are excited because there's more to come...