Angelic || suhyeok x cheongsan || aouad || ON HIATUS

Chapter 01 - the reason

He'd only known Cheong-san for a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but Su-hyeok knew that he would somehow save him. He didn't hear his name called out during registration - he was too busy admiring Cheong-san.
"Su-hyeok," Ms Park tapped on his desk.
Shit. He rapidly turned his head toward her, panicking internally.
"Uh, here."
"I can see that."
"Sorry."
She rolled her eyes, and walked away. He put his head on the table, sighing.
He hadn't felt well when he woke up, but this made an already shitty headache worse.

He tried listening to what was being said but he couldn't concentrate due to the banging in his head. And he didn't have any painkillers. On-jo would. He scribbled a note on a small bit of paper, folded it, and threw it at On-jo. Ms Park saw. Suhyeok silently cursed himself.
"Ms Park," he began, watching her walk over, "I was asking On-jo if she had any painkillers. I have a shit headache and-"
Her eyebrows rose. He realised what he'd just said.
"Sorry."
"On-jo, do you have any painkillers that you'd be okay to give to Su-hyeok?"
She threw them at him. He nodded, thanking both her and some great power.

The rest of the morning wasn't much better. Su-hyeok found himself in the bathrooms during break to stay away from the noise that the rest of the school created. The silence helped him to at least believe the painkillers had worked.

After lunch was when Su-hyeok began to feel normal. His headache had almost gone, allowing him to have small chats with the others before Ms Park started the lesson.
"Hey, Su-hyeok, do you need anything? You didn't look so well this morning, I'm worried about you."
Just the sound of Cheong-San's voice meant Su-hyeok had to try to believe that it didn't mean anything, that they were just friends, nothing else.
Cheong-san was straight.

Su-hyeok was too.

He wished.

The conversation, like any, turned to see if anyone there liked anyone else.
"What about you Su-hyeok?" Dae-su grinned.
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't," he smiled back.
"Ooh cryptic, I like that," Cheong-san leant into him.
Su-hyeok's heart sped up. He held his breath, finally releasing it when Cheong-san laughed.
"Who is it?" Gyeong-su pried.
"A person," he laughed, "As if I'm telling you lot. Like you wouldn't spread it around."
"Well you just admitted to liking someone," Dae-su smirked.
"Fuck off," Su-hyeok lightly punched him, "What about Cheong-san, hm?"
"I like someone. You know her."

Her. That...

SU-HYEOK

It was a punch to the stomach. Of course he was straight. Of course he liked a girl. My head began to pound again.
"Alright, settle down everyone," Ms Park entered.

I was stupid for even thinking he could like me like that.

"Would anyone care to explain how this reflects society's views at the time?"

I was fucked up for liking him.

"Excellent! Now, at this time society was very..."

My stomach jolted.

"Hey, Dae-su stop talking for a second."

Shit.

"It's actually very interesting about how the..."

I began shivering, but sweating at the same time.

"I want you all to copy this down, and remember it. It'll be on the test."

Shit. Shit. Shit. I needed to...

"Ms Park, could I, uh, be excused?"
Before she could say anything, I knew I had to leave. I tried to keep some dignity, which would be gone very soon, by walking, but I was going to be sick right there if I didn't hurry. I ran to the bathrooms, barely making it before I threw up in one of the stalls, collapsing to my knees.
I felt so weak, so pathetic. My head bent over a toilet, unable to stand, alone. I began to cry, resting my head on the seat.

I didn't hear the door open. I didn't hear the footsteps from behind. I only lifted my head when I heard a voice say my name.
"Su-hyeok..."
I turned. Cheong-san. Shit. I was going to throw up again. I spun around, bending over the toilet again. Fuck. I was never ill, and when I was, it was bad. Always. Cheong-san's hand gently stroked my back.

CHEONG-SAN

I felt Su-hyeok tense up at first when my hand first reached out to him, but he slowly relaxed and concentrated on just emptying his stomach. He eventually sat back down, one arm resting on the seat, the other clutching the bottom of the stall.
"Why are you here?" his voice was hoarse, his face was pale, and he looked so weak.
"Ms Park asked me to check on you."
His head flopped back against the wall, tears forming. I had never seen him look this weak. It scared me, seeing my best friend look so different. I took his hand that was still grasping the bottom of the stall and held it, hoping to reassure him that I was genuinely worried about him.
He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing heavily. I thought he'd drifted off, but then he murmered something.
"I'm sorry."
"What?"

SU-HYEOK

"I'm sorry."
I couldn't think to say anything else. Not when I'd hoped - well, expected - him to be something he wasn't.
"What for?"
Telling him would make everything so much worse. Worse than pathetically sat in the school's bathroom floor, one hand holding the toilet, which was full of my previous stomach contents, and the other holding hands with the guy who didn't, and wouldn't ever, like me back.
I shook my head slowly, closing my eyes.

At some point I must have fallen asleep, as when I woke up, I was somewhere else. It was too bright, too loud. My head was screaming.
"Su-hyeok, can you hear me?"
Not him. Not here. Not now.
"Yeah."
The sound of my own voice shocked me. It was so weak.
"You're in the hospital, Ms Park called an ambulance. I'm here for you. Your mom's here too, but she's outside now."
"Please. Stop talking."
"I- I'm sorry."

Whatever I say, I make things worse. And now Cheong-san would think I hated him.
"I don't hate you," I whispered.
"What?"

CHEONG-SAN

I was confused. I hadn't thought he hated me, but that seemed to come from nowhere, that I thought maybe he did hate me. I didn't think I've hurt him.
"You hate me? Why?" I asked.
I took it back instantly, seeing his frail figure begin to sob, a hand reaching out for mine. I grasped it.
"I..."
"Yeah?"
"Don't... hate... you."
I watched his cheeks become wetter, and I tried to wipe the tears away, but that seemed to make him cry more.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, leaning in.
"I like you," his warm breath whispered back.
He faced straight ahead, never once blinking.

SU-HYEOK

"It's you... Cheong-san," I paused, finally turning towards him, searching for a reaction on his blank face, "I like... you."
He stared back at me, looking completely blank.
"Say something," I stared at his face, "Please."
The pain in my head grew once again, my breathing sped up, my vision dimmed. I coughed. Cheong-san, helped me sit up, holding a bowl to my mouth. But nothing came out.
"It's okay, you're okay."
I felt like shit. I was so pathetic that I couldn't even throw anything else up.

CHEONG-SAN

Su-hyeok rested back against the headboard, taking deep breaths. I'd heard what he said, but surely he was just delirious. I wished I could help him.

The nurse soon came in, followed by Su-hyeok's mom. Seeing he was awake, she ran over, hugging and kissing him. His pale face gained colour, the colour of embarrassment but colour nonetheless. He was weakly trying to push her off. If he wasn't in the state he was, I would have laughed at him, but seeing his frail frame, I just smiled, and excused myself.

The hospital corridor was empty. I slumped down in the seat opposite Su-hyeok's room, feeling so guilty. Maybe him being ill was my fault. He'd said that he didn't hate me, but maybe he had at one point, and I hadn't realised.
On a few occasions, I'd caught him staring at me, and now I realised it probably wasn't for the reason I'd thought it was.

The reason I hoped it was.