Angelic || suhyeok x cheongsan || aouad || ON HIATUS

Chapter 08 - foresaken

"Su-hyeok!"
The scream rang out as Su-hyeok fell unconscious. Instantaneously, Cheong-san's legs were working. He rushed towards Gwi-nam, who's hand was still gripping Su-hyeok's neck. All his power emerged as he punched him. Both fell to the floor. Cheong-san lunged towards Su-hyeok's unresponsive body to stop him falling off the roof.
"Wake up!" he yelled desperately searching for any signs of life within him, "Please. Su-hyeok wake up. Angel please."
His arms were tangled around the body.  His sobs echoed on the empty rooftop.

CHEONG-SAN

Su-hyeok didn't wake up. Not for what felt like an eternity. In reality it had only been two minutes.

It was Gwi-nam who went to find Ms Park. I refused to leave Su-hyeok alone. He'd been faster than I thought was possible. They found me cradling Su-hyeok, his head in my lap as I whispered to him and stroked his hair as he regained consciousness. He said everything hurt, but I was very comfortable to lay on. Ms Park had called for an ambulance. Just like before. Maybe something was so adamantly against us from being together that they made Su-hyeok suffer as a warning.

My guilt was immeasurable. All of this had been my idea, and he'd nearly died because of it. During the entire journey to the hospital I apologised to him. He reached his hand out and held mine, just smiling. Somehow he still looked so perfect. Fuck. I think I'm gay.

SU-HYEOK

My memory was hazy, but the pain was still very present, particularly around my throat. Cheong-san told me that Gwi-nam had been excluded for a period of two months.
"Two months?" I asked, incredulous, "That's it? No police intervention? He nearly-" I choked on my words.
"Killed you. I know, angel."
The doctors had declared I was fine overall, just some bruising. My mom though... she was pissed at me for wasting her money on medical bills when she could have told me that anyway. Her first reaction was to hug me, but it had felt so forced compared to the last time I was here.
She'd stopped making eye contact with me at first. She stopped making physical contact with me next.
She stopped acting like she cared about me.

I didn't understand it. Maybe I was a burden. Or she'd found out about Cheong-san and myself. Whatever it was clearly put me in the worst position possible.

Cheong-san tried to reassure me that maybe it was just that time of the month, but if that's really all it was, then it was lasting for an unnaturally long time, and she'd never acted this way before. Not that she'd ever been particularly affectionate or close with me before. But not like this.

When I went back to school, the Monday after the fight, I found that I got home I was greeted by an empty house. Every day. If anything, that was better than facing my mother. But it still felt like a knife in my stomach.

Cheong-san had mentioned to me that I was acting more reserved and lost in my thoughts, and suggested we meet up one night on our rooftop - the one on the building site. I instantly agreed.

CHEONG-SAN

Our rooftop. Su-hyeok was waiting for me when I arrived. He turned to face me, and I instantly noticed the tears streaming down his face. I went to him and embraced him. We sank to the floor together, my back resting against the wall where the door would be once they'd finished building, Su-hyeok's against my chest.
"It still hurts," his voice was hoarse, like he'd been crying for an hour before I'd arrived.
"What does?"
He gingerly reached his hand to his throat, "I can still feel him. I thought I was going to die. I thought-"
The sob that emerged from him made me jump.
"I thought I would never see you again."
Fear pierced his voice, his eyes closed, I tenderly kissed his forehead.
"I'm here, it's okay."
It was all my fault. The kiss. The fight. The way he felt now. If I could take any of it back, I would in an instant.
"I'm sorry. It's all because of me. Su-hyeok, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm the one causing you pain. I don't want to do that to you again."
"Are you breaking up with me?" he sounded so small.
"I'm not. But if you... wanted to, I would understand."
"No," Su-hyeok's demeanor changed. His voice screamed confidence, and he sat up and turned to me, hard-faced, "Cheong-san, I don't blame you. For anything. I care about you so fucking much, there's no way I would ever want to end what we have."
I couldn't hide my smile, "I really like you, Lee Su-hyeok."
"I like you too, Lee Cheong-san."
He settled back into my arms, his head against my chest. I leaned down to kiss him. Sleepily, he kissed back, and soon fell asleep smiling.

SU-HYEOK

I didn't usually remember my dreams, but I did after that night. They began nice enough. Cheong-san introduced me to his mom as his boyfriend. She seemed delighted that her son wasn't single anymore, because apparently she had been concerned. I laughed, and Cheong-san blushed a deep red, before taking me into his room.
We danced. We kissed. I felt free. I was staring into Cheong-san's eyes when I saw the reflection of a grin that was neither mine nor his.
Something squeezed my neck, hissing at me to die. Gwi-nam. I tried to scream, and throw him off. Cheong-san was stood by him laughing, watching me die. I heard my name being screamed, but my panicked gasps for air were drowning it out. Someone was holding me, trying to keep me still. I writhed to escape Gwi-nam's hands, but he was too strong. I begged Cheong-san to tell him to let me go. He still smiling.
"Su-hyeok! You're dreaming! Wake up!"

CHEONG-SAN

He started thrashing and gasping about two in the morning. He was crying and trying to remove something from his throat. I screamed at him to wake up. Finally, he did.
Sweat dripped off him as he struggled to move away from me, looking completely terrified.
"Su-hyeok?" I whispered, in an attempt to calm him, and bring him back to the present.
"Y-y-you wanted m-me to d-die. You laughed."
I was hurt, but it wasn't like I didn't know where this was coming from. I hadn't been able to help him until after he was unconscious, and even then, I wasn't much help. But I hadn't laughed at him.
"I don't, and never have, wanted you to die. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, but my legs... they stopped working."
I approached him as if he was a nervous animal. He shrunk away, eyes wide. He really believed that I would do that? To him.
"I would never do that, Su-hyeok."
"You did."
He hurriedly wiped the tears sinking down his cheeks, desperate to appear strong in front of me. Shaking, he stood up. He left.
"Su-hyeok! Angel! Please?"
Nothing.

"Fuck!" I yelled at the stars.
I should've helped him. He doesn't deserve to feel like this. I'd fucked everything up.
I continued to scream and shout and curse, all the time pacing on the rooftop. When my throat began to hurt, I gave in. He wasn't coming back. I just wanted to hold him, to tell him that everything was fine, and would stay that way. Everything in his life was getting worse since we became something. He'd been ill, then Gwi-nam almost killed him, then his mom didn't seem to care anymore. I couldn't help but believe it was all down to me. Maybe it was some fucked up humour from fate. We'd both liked each other for so long, and when we finally had the balls to act on it, we– he – was tortured.

SU-HYEOK

I didn't want to go home. I'd come to get away, but home was the only place I could think of going. It was cold outside. The rain began lightly, but each drop was stabbed my freezing face. Home was cold too, but my bed would warm up quickly enough. And it was dry. Cursing myself, I headed home, lost in my thoughts about Cheong-san.

I knew it was a dream. I did. But I felt everything. I'd seen his legs give out, like he said, but he could have faked it. It wouldn't be hard, especially because I wasn't fully concentrated on him. It was his idea too.
Shit.
What if he'd planned it all? Pretended to like me back, to... I didn't know. But maybe he had truly wanted me to suffer.

Fuck. I knew I shouldn't be thinking this, that it was just my mind telling me fucked up things, because my parents had preached that men liking men was wrong. Now that I was down the pathway of thinking like this, I couldn't stop, not when it was so quiet, except for the sound of the ever-increasing sound of the rain.

I only realised that I was soaking when I let myself back into the apartment. I padded into the bathroom, flushed the toilet, and cried. At some point I must have given in and gone to my room as that were I was when I woke up. Staring at me was my mom.
"Where were you last night?"
Shit. I looked at what she was wafting in my face. Double shit.