Friends Or Lovers?

E

~Namjoon's POV~

Why did things get like this?.....

More importantly...

HOW did things get like this...

"Kim. Namjoon. You sir. Have a lot of explaining to do." Is all I hear from Yoongi-Hyung once he enters the room. I look down, I don't have anything to say and even if I did....how should I say it?...

"Kim. Namjoon. Look at me right now." I start fiddling with my fingers. Yes he is my Hyung but..I just can't bring myself to look at him.

When he's mad his eyes are as cold as the bottom of the sea but they also feel like darts. It's like even though you aren't looking you can just TELL that he is staring directly at you.

Just as he is about to yell at me...I think...I bring myself to look at him. As I do that, tears begin to well up in my eyes so now I'm also fighting the urge to cry.

"Why haven't you been answering any of my calls or messages."

I keep fiddling with my fingers.

"I...I....." I'm on thin ice right now. I'm trying to keep myself from stuttering. And maybe breaking down.

"Well?" Yoongi raises an eyebrow.

There's no going back now...

"I just...didn't want to." He chuckles and closes the door before walking closer to me. "You 'didn't want to' huh? Bullshit." Each step closer he takes I end up backing up a step. But after all, I'm in a hotel room so there really isn't no where to go in here.

I feel my back press against the cold wall which sends a chill down my spine. Next thing I know I am met face to face with yoongi and only little space to breathe.

For some reason, instead of saying anything he just looks up and down my body.

Please don't look at my arms...

Please no....

Look at anything else..

Just not my arms.....

"Why?....are you bleeding?" He reaches for my hand and thankfully I react quick enough to pull my hand away. But eventually he catches on.

"Did you....cut yourself?.." I'm left in shock but I'm not sure why. I knew he was going to find out yet I have the audacity to be shocked. Pathetic.

"I would never do that!! Why are you saying that!?" I blurt out, which I think gets him a little mad.

"Why is your arm bleeding then huh!? Your arm doesn't just start bleeding out of thin fucking air Namjoon!!" I know arguing back will do no good but I don't want to be a burden. If it means that I have to push everyone away in order to not be a burden...I'll do it.

"Why are you getting in MY business!? You haven't that about that huh!? Fuck off yoongi!!"

No.

He reaches for my arm and rips off the gauze and to my surprise, it doesn't hurt.

"What's this then!? Oh yeah you definitely don't cut yourself, these cuts are really not fresh!"

Stop it.

"What the fuck Namjoon!! Your better than this! Nothing should have you think this is the only option!!"

Shut up.

"You couldn't possibly understand how I feel so stop being so concerned about me and just fuck off!!!"

"I won't fuck off until you tell me why your doing stupid ass shit like this!!"

Enough.

I shut my eyes and yell, "I HATE MYSELF. I WANT TO DIE. I WANT TO CRAWL INTO A FUCKING HOLE AND ROT THERE FOREVER. IM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT. IM UGLY. IM STUPID. IM. USELESS."

Idiot.

The room suddenly went quiet. Tears flood my eyes and trickle down my face. Quiet and small sniffles are the only things filling up the room. By me obviously. Soon enough I open my eyes and look at yoongi. I regret it so much.

His eyes are watery and he looks scared. No. Terrified. A few tears stream down his face. I regret everything that just happened. Now I REALLY want to die. I hurt him for no reason and it's all my fault.

You mess everything up.

"Namjoon-ah..."

Your a mistake.

"Namjoon?...."

Worthless.

"Are you okay?..."

PULL THE TRIGGER

"Namjoon-ah!"

Suddenly my legs grow weak and my knees buckle. I almost fall to the floor but yoongi manages to catch me just in time.

I'm running out of breath.

My chest feels tight.

I can barely hear anything.

I look at yoongi.

He looks back at me.

"Namjoon- ah..."

Those are the only words I hear before I black out.

~Author's note~

I got my first vote today :D!!! I forgot who the user was but I'll make sure to give a shout out to them! I also won't post the next two chapters until tomorrow, but I hope you guys are doing well! Make sure to eat and drink water <3💜✨