Walk you Home (Short Story)

1

The night in the crowd of bangkok send me a big questions.  Why am I so empty?

I was wearing a full attire black tuxedo, now its shabby, tattered, the color was pale mixed with dust.  I was carrying a broken rose, walking aimlessly with barefoot.

What am I doing?  Why am I in this situation?  Maybe someone can explain why I'm here, with an empty heart without feeling?

The night in bangkok is not getting quieter, every step, every time I pass the asphalt road which is sometimes gravel and painful when I step on it, every time my eyes wander around, all i see is people being happy, they are all laughing so playfully, joking around as if the world belongs to the  them.  As far as I know it's not Valentine's day, why do they put up so many damn pink flowers and stuffed hearts?

This road seems foreign to me, even though I pass it every day.  I asked again what am I doing here looking like a helpless man who failed to get marry?

Maybe i am.

Am I really miserable?  Do i look so pathetic now? I asked why?  But no one didn't bother to answer even my heart and my mind keep being silent.

Oh, I remember.

Broken.  I laughed madly in the middle of the road and patted my chest.  It hurt so much that I couldn't hold back the tears, but I wanted to laugh.  Im really so messed up crying after that man broke my heart.

Wasn't it just 3 hours ago that I was so enthusiastic about preparing my suit and dressing up like crazy.  He said, "Babe, meet up at the usual place. I have something to tell you. It's important."

Broken and hopeless or am i putting too high expecation on him? it turns out that the meeting was not his plan to propose to me or even our anniversary celebrations. 

He managed to fire a bullet through my heart.  It's been almost 4 years, I've been patient, waiting, everyone think im the one who delaying and being childish, they think im the one who still wants to live free, in fact it was him all along who never chose me from the start. 

I'm too naive.

His sweet mouth said, "sorry war I chose her!"  His mouth is still sweet as ever even though the words that come out of his mouth are so damn painfull.

I turned back, I whined, searching for my faults asking for the reason.  He didn't say clichés or say, "it's not your fault, we weren't a match from the start!"  Or something like that, but he put his gloomy and mad face, the muscles in his face harden when saying, "I need to get married and my parents are forcing me, they even beg me to get married, please dont question my heart you should know my heart always for you it just... i need to married a woman who can carry my child... Im sorry war, i know.. i know im the worst."  He said snapping as if he was turning the table and blaming my heart for not understanding him.

In my heart I want him to kill me as well.

He chose that woman and forced me to stay with him which I could never possibly accept.  I looked at him and said "why dont you just force me to die though?"  But once again I shut up and hid it behind my broken heart.

He's a selfish man.  He's a bastard who dares to control my heart. He is a jerk who easily opens and closes my heart.  Even though I don't know when I gave him the key to my heart?  I'm the stupid one, yes, that's me.  It's useless, he has filled every valve in my heart and if he just opened one then the heart will leak and he let me slowly dies.

I should go. I need to go. But still eventho he hurts me so bad, i still don't want him to be hurt, it just right now my heart in so much pain and i dont want to let go of him. I really want to crawl back to him.  Because he's the morphine in my life.  I need him, he is the one who can make the wound disappear.