Walk you Home (Short Story)

5

This atmosphere is so confusing.  Something's going on but I don't know what it is and maybe it's not right for me to know yet.  Seeing his face sending me a big question and honestly it made me really worried about him.  Apart from him who had been ruffling his hair, he also continously sighed in frustration.  Making me who is standing here so confused and nervous.

Can I ask him?
It wouldn't make any difference if I just stood still and waited, right?  Whatever the response, I will try to accept.

Slowly I approached him who was standing on the edge of the door pressing his body.  After getting closer I realized that if he wasn't just pensive in frustration maybe it was even more than that.  Because he was crying, yes, the second time I saw him shed tears for reasons I don't know.  His tears were so thin that I barely see them.  This made me very surprised, what had happened to him?  Or maybe it happened to people who are very important to him?  I really want to know.  Seeing him like that broke my heart.

I took his hand, I gently stroked it.  He turned and seemed to notice me he immediately straightened up and wiped the tears from his eyes.  He looked away for a moment and then looked back at me.  He smiled even though I knew it was the hardest thing for him right now.  Am I really looking at this situation right?  I want to do something for him.  I asked God what I could do for him.

"You want to sleep first?"  he asked taking my hand and leading me closer to the bed.  But I held it in, I shook my head and forced him to look at me.  Even though his face rebuffed me, pleading with his expression.

"Please dont..."

either he knows I understand his situation or he wants me not to have to force him to tell.  Or maybe he doesn't want me to interfere in his business.  May I insist?  Am I worthy?  Will he get angry if I insist?

"Hey.." I called him.
"Please look at me?"  I said pleading but his face was still looking down avoiding my gaze.  My hands became hesitant to cup his face but I wanted him to stare at me intently.  His doubtful gaze pierced my eyes.  It's just that before I could say anything the door opened again and the person who had been talking to anan called out to him.

Anan walks to him.  After a while anan approached me.  His eyes were calmer this time and when his hand reached for me it wasn't as tense as before.  Maybe the situation is under control and whatever happened has been resolved.  I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled but anan pulled my body and hugged me tightly even though the hug only ended briefly.

"You really want to know what happened?"  he asked.

Although I don't know what feelings are coming up to me right now but I nodded and followed suit.  But I know this feeling can't lie, my gut tells me this isn't the right decision.

***

Time seemed to stop.  Watching him embrace the body, seeing him give her a warm kiss on the forehead, both cheeks and lips made the nerves in my body seem to freeze.  He is immersed in the world and its happiness.  My eyes saw those eyes, those very warm and soulful eyes were not looking at me.  Not even hugging me.  He's across the ocean.  With his lover.  His lover who lay limp in a green hospital uniform and in support tubes scattered around her body.

I could see the look of pain but mixed with relief on his face.  How his face changed drastically when he faced that woman.  His lover.  His fiancé.  Yes, I just found out about the news.  Hurtful?  You don't need to ask me... Its indeed have a very clear answer.

Then me?  Someone who was a stranger, who didn't deserve to even expect that man to see me let alone expect him to choose me.  Be aware war.. you haven't even know him for a full day.  Look!  How his gaze is filled with deep feelings for that woman and not YOU.

Now I know the doubt?  Now I know why his gaze radiates that secret and pain!  Now I know where I stand!  I better back off immediately for the sake of both of us, or maybe this is my way of not admitting that I'm hurt, a pain that I can't express or even convey through my gaze.

I looked back at anan's face behind the window of the woman's ICU room, his lover.

That face, if we don't meet will fate still bring us together?  That face taught me a meaning, we best hope that a place will always be available if we really deserve it.

I slowly backed away from his face, sitting limply.  Thousands of thoughts invaded the central nervous system in my head.  I don't know what's going on right now?  To be sure I always ask and will always ask why am I here?  In this place full of agonies.

If fate exists, why only scars are left?