Walk you Home (Short Story)

6

I'm just waiting.  Maybe I've looked out of place.  Seeing several people crowded in and out of the room, some looked at me in surprise maybe they were asking who this person was?  Maybe they also guess and make their own analysis.

But from the umpteenth time I was hoping for the person who opened the door in front of me but he still hasn't come out even though all those who visited have disappeared one by one even a mother who was sobbing with a man who I am very sure is a woman's parent  it's gone.  So what was anan doing there?  Did he forget that I'm still here?  Is his mind so full of his lover that even to remember me he doesn't even have the space.

The look on my face is probably out of control.  Waiting for this is really killing me.  I don't even know what my position is here?  Should I have come to my senses and left?  Why am I heavy-hearted and still waiting for him?

I should have known what he meant by bringing me here.  Isn't it obvious that he wants to show me that he can never choose me.  I should have realized that.  War, c'mon this is no longer an option and don't.. please.. please.. don't you assume this is hope.  Are you fed up?

My eyes stared blankly at the room in front of me without expecting to meet his face or even his reflection.  I just want to see the last place we've been apart, yeah, for good.  Maybe its here.. the end of my short story that is so random.  I consider this an introduction to the story of my life which will be more beautiful.  I hope this is not the beginning of a continuing misery in life but the beginning of happiness and a better life lesson.

  I slowly turned around to leave this place.

Step by step is a very heavy step.  Every now and then the feeling of wanting to turn around and face to face for the last time with him was so strong that it attacked me, these legs wanted to run in that direction.  I want to say goodbye, at least I want to thank him and I want him to remember me.  Not as a transition sadness.  Not a short release.  Not because we're both just following the moment but I really want him to remember me as a real person.  A person who once had time to fill the void that it was special to him.  Was a part of his happiness.  Where his smile rests.  Even if it's impossible or futile.  Despite the fact that our story is so short, I still really hope he remembers me like that because for me he is too.

But I know I don't want to complicate things anymore.  When that feeling comes, people rarely think that he has two sensitive hearts.  I love or I hate.  Either way, I'm not one of them.  Nothing in that bond.  So he probably won't remember me when I'm gone.

I opened my phone, dozens of messages and dozens of missed calls appeared.  Before all this happened maybe I was really happy because this is what I expected from fran but this time I didn't feel anything.  I didn't even expect to see his name again appear on my phone screen.

It's 3 in the morning.  Empty street.  It's dramatic to walk here in this state.  I was getting hurt again, suddenly a man came and healed me briefly but in fact he also gave me another, deeper wound.  I doubt it can be healed again.

I intended to ask my dad to pick me up or a sending me a taxi but my hand didn't have the energy to send a message.  Maybe i just want to be alone right now.  I need rain instead, I want this to be more dramatic.  Because isn't this situation very suited to my circumstances.  I'm dramatizing my life.  Strangely, the tears seemed to choke at the corners of the eyelids, he refused to fall.  Maybe he was tired of thinking that if I shed it too easily, I would fall into a very deep sadness.

Finally I just sat in a long metal chair in the middle of the bus stop on the side of a very quiet road.  The street lights and the silent black sky accompanying me, giving me space and time.  I wish I could freeze time and stop the pain I'm feeling right now.

Huh, did I deserve to cry over him?  Who am I?  As far as I know we haven't said anything about the continuation of this ambiguous relationship.  Ah, maybe this relationship will be ambiguous forever. 

I leaned my head against the end of the seat support at the bus stop.  So tired, why spending this day feels so long, tomorrow what you doin? Hurry and change this day? 

Im tired, can I just sleep here?  Who knows.  I glanced at my phone and immediately sighed loudly.  It's 4 in the morning which means I've walked quite a distance from the hospital earlier.  So what will I do?  Sleep?

I closed my eyes.  Ah, I finally let go of my tears and let them fall.  Secretly they have fallen on my cheeks and I just let them alone, maybe even my hands are tired of erasing them.

But I felt something.  Something that might just be my frustrated imagination.  Even though this feels so real.  His touch was so real it felt soft, wiping every tear that fell.  Oh God please don't play with my heart again.

I took a deep breath and slowly opened my eyes.  Yes, he is here. Magically,  Standing with his face looking down at me.  His hands were still on my cheeks.  His eyes were very sharp looking at me, full of worry mixed with sadness.  I looked up at him then looked down to avoid him.

What is he doing here?  Wasn't he needs to be with his woman?  Oh are my hallucinations so intense that these delusions seem so real.  This is definitely not real.  My brain repeatedly refused but his touch and gaze couldn't lie.

"hey."  Call him.  I didn't respond.  I was too embarrassed, tired and confused by this attitude.

What is he actually doing?  Please don't play with my feelings.  Doesn't he feel the least bit sorry for me?  Was it not enough for him to make me pathetic like this?

He was seen squatting, this time his hands cupped my face.  Then he forced me to look at him.

"Hey.." he called me back.  "Are you okay?"  he asked.

I really want to reply with a wail of anger, is that question worth asking me again but innocent and maybe stupid me, this head shakes instead.  The code clearly says if I'm not fine.  It made me cry again and louder than before.  Oh, I'm so embarrassed right now.  Can't he just leave me alone?

"hey hey.." he soothed me.  Slowly he pulled this body and hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept you waiting for so long."  He said while stroking my back.

"I shouldn't have brought you there. It's my fault. I'm sorry."

I let go of the hug and turned my face away from him.  I couldn't look him in the eye.  oh my god i might be begging to never let me go.  Begging him to choose me.  Crazy things, things I know can't happen.

"Please stop playing with my heart."  I said.

"I'm sorry."  he replied, "But I really can't just let you go. I dont have a heart to..."

I turned to him sharply, "Please, just be it and leave me. Leave me alone!"  he nodded and took my hand.

"hey look.." he started while holding my hand tightly, "I know right now I am so selfish and I will ask something selfish from you. So I didn't come to apologize and leave you just like that... I want you to allow me to have you. Having you only  just for tonight."

I don't know what reaction he was expecting?  But I just kept quiet.  What should I say if it's not a question but a statement.

"I promise only for tonight. Until you arrive at your house tonight you are mine. I won't ask for more, I beg you.."

how could he say that and so easily make this heart beat so fast.

"I know it's not love.." he said while caressing my cheek, "but it's close enough to be called a LOVE."  he continued.

Oh anan..

If you can be selfish, can I too?  I want to be selfish and have you forever.