adorn

chapter 17

an apology. then another one. yedam closes his eyes, sighs, is about to give up. the cotton pad in his hand suddenly feels like a sword or a tissue engrossed in a poison or another harmful substance, not a herbal decoction. jihoon is now on the bed, his back propped against the pillows, yedam has already wrapped the wounds on his back with a bandage, still, it seeps with blood, staining the snowy cushions.

"I am sorry." yedam utters quietly, his face so close to jihoon's, so close that the boy can feel how the other's strands brush his cheek.

the hair as soft as feathers, the breath as gentle as spring wind accompying a golden sunrise. jihoon hasn't let out a word since the moment he was guided here by no other than the one who owns his heart entirely. his eyes follow the other's palm, count how many nano-zircons are embedded into the silver ring, when another, although woolen and mellow, yet unpleasant fabric with a smell of some acrid substance makes him wince, retreat his head, hiss.

"I am-"

"don't say it again. you are trying to help me, I know."

yedam's hand halts. suddenly jihoon catches a glimpse of shiny diamonds in his eyes, soon the diamonds one by one leaving paths down the other's caramel skin. the older feels his heart gradually sinking, he raises his hand, fingers nearly reaching yedam's face. nearly, the moment jihoon notices that they are soiled, there are red smudges on the surface, he intends to hide them from yedam's sight but before he can do so, the prince takes a hold of his hand, pressing it against his cheek, firmly and timidly at the same time.

"I lied. that's what I am sorry for."

the son of the king fears that his skin will soon get deprived of the warmth, of the affectionate caress of the other's hand but neither happens. yedam leans more to the touch.

"why did you do it, my little prince?"

hearing this new pet name, yedam lifts his gaze, making their eyes fall in love with each other even more at that.

"I was afraid you would never look me in the eyes again."

jihoon feels lost, yedam is there to add hastily.

"you would never look me in the eyes, never say my name again, never share your life with me. this is what they always do once they know. I turn into a work of art, deity, angel, I don't even know. they treat me as if I was different, deeply inside being envious over the things I own although had never asked to have them. and you know? you were the first one to have more than me."

jihoon is now utterly startled. him? more than the son of the king, the one with servants, guards, countless rings, necklaces, tailored clothes each for other days, different celebrations, the one who flicks his fingers and gets warm meals, bath with bubbles, water colored with sage. he lives in a palace, takes private lessons, educates himself every day to help in ruling the country one day. how was he any better?

"you had freedom. a smile, so honest, so wide. you came to me covered with dust, sand, mud, you left tracks on my white carpet, on my creamy sheet, you smelled so sweetly, like a forest, like meadows, like cooling air, like the world outside which I couldn't enter. I am the prince, I am the hummingbird in the golden cage. you called me by my name, you weren't hesitant to do it. you looked directly into my eyes when we first met, you got closer, you held me. if you knew that I... if I said who I really am you would start begging me for mercy, asking to let you go in peace, promising you would never come aga-"

"if you told me who you are, I would take you with me."

yedam was rendered silent. this sudden interruption ceased him from saying more.

"with you...? where to?"

the boy looked at the other with his doe eyes. he made it even harder for jihoon to say.

"the night we met... I went inside the palace to kidnap the prince."

the cold on yedam's cheek, empty space as jihoon tries to hide as if too mortified to face the other now. the apology he has heard seconds ago was beautiful, poetical. yedam had his reason, had his charming way of explaining, elucidating, turning sin into a virtue. once again, how was the elder any better?

"I wanted to kidnap the crown prince, demand ransom, run away the moment I get the money, never bothering anyone else again but... I saw you, and couldn't take my eyes off of you."

the silence prevailed, although not the one that burdens one's chest, stifles breath, or clouds mind. jihoon needed a few minutes to order his thoughts, to understand himself from that day. it hasn't been long ago, yet he altered. that night he was ready to risk his everything, go for broke. he was constantly repeating that he could do this, he could bare the innocent look of his prey, he could extinguish the plea for mercy, he could then negotiate with the king, the most respected and powerful personage in the whole country. he was boastful, reckless, conceited, smug.

his hands fell on a soft mattress, weightlessly. he sized his body up from his toes to the chest, counting three deeper, already treated wounds, beholding four alleviating patches he had no idea when were applied on his body, he noticed a bruise on his lower belly, a poured one a little below his lungs, and finally, he touched his face to meet with a bloody slit on his eyebrow, swell underneath his right eye, a thumping headache suddenly more vivid and troublesome.

"I deserved it." bitter remark couldn't contain all of the regrets he had at that moment.

"don't say that." a comforting voice sounded in the air, soon after another hand took off jihoon's of his cheek.

"don't touch it, you will wipe off the cooling ointment." fingers wrapped around his palm, the boy gazed at two hands interlinked for a minute.

just like the first night, he felt ashamed of his skin, of his nails, of his knuckles. jihoon knew yedam wouldn't let him hide the mortifying traits again, defeated, he bent down, lowering his head, placing a chaste kiss on the hand which that day protected him from the violence and mistreatment.

"I love you."

three words lingered in jihoon's ears, his heart leaped, limbs shivered, eyes widened. he felt intoxicated, dazed. still, in the low altitude, he tilted his head, looking up, incredulous. he loved yedam but his feelings were bound to happen. how not to adore the beautiful, ethereal prince, how not to revel in his herbal smell, sweet lips, affectionate touch, how not to get lost in his doe eyes, gracious movements, refined ways of speaking. in his kind heart, did the boy really grow feelings for someone who had nothing to offer in return?

"do you love me too?" as the answer didn't appear at once, yedam's morbid fear of rejection welled up like a flood of lava.

jihoon sputtered something vigorously, and before the younger could react, the other manhandled him onto his lap. yedam, completely weightless, melting in his lover's arms, blushed like a fresh rose under an intense gaze.

"I have nothing to give you." their breaths meddle, the heat struck onto their senses, the spur to take action almost taking over jihoon's sanity.

"I want something only you can do." a momentary silence, yedam's lips already brushing jihoon's. "I want you to make me yours."

it was too much to handle, jihoon's smell was attacked by yedam's fragrance, the prince's naughty hands traveling down, their lips now locked in a wet, low kiss. jihoon's hands tightened the grip on the small frame, perfectly fitting in between his arms. his eyes enchanted, keenly watching how the boy danced gracefully on his hips. the boy that asked to be his, and his only. eventually, jihoon listened to the kid he used to be, procuring himself a prince to protect and love unconditionally. 

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