broke / machine gun kelly

5.

the next morning i woke up very early again. i couldn't believe kells kissed me yesterday. it scared me asf. i knew i had to get out of this house.
i put on my clothes, folded kells things neatly on the bed. found a note and wrote on it 'thank you for everything'.
i looked towards the couch and saw him sleeping peacefully. all this scared me. having people who seriously care about me helping me without asking, scared me. i quietly slipped out of the house and closed the door.
i knew i needed a new place to stay now that kells knew my old house. i set out to find something new. i felt so stupid, why was i showing him the best place i'd had in a long time.
finally i found a hut in a garden. behind this hut the gap was roofed up to the wall. that was very low to let myself down now on a private property but after 5 hours of searching i had found nothing better.
it was still quite early, i still had time to search further but in case of need i knew where to go. i wandered through the streets and spent my days walking back and forth as usual.
time passed. i found nothing better and spent my night there.

  ~

the next few days passed as usual but i finally had something to look forward to, my job.
kells was still on my mind, which i didn't like. now that my life could finally get better, i couldn't let myself get distracted or even addicted. i had always been able to get by on my own, so i could do it now, i thought.

i met up with ethan. "long time no see" he said.
"haha it's been about a week" i laughed.
"a week is a long time for me to see you every 3 days at the latest. i was worried". i told him about my week and he was incredibly proud that i have a job now. ethan has known me for years now. we met on the street back then but he luckily took the next step up. i told him about kells, about all my thoughts and fears and he could seriously relate to them because he had been through it too. i told him how determined kells was and how high his dreams were. ethan was impressed.
"You really like him, don't you?" he asked.
"I kind of do, but I don't have time for that right now," I replied.
he rolled his eyes. i could understand his point of view, but i was too afraid of the unknown.
i showed ehtan my new sleeping place, but said that i would go back to the house the next few days. when kells looked for me, he didn't would have found me there, so it should be okay to go back soon. ethan had to go and i spent the evening as usual, alone.

the next days passed slowly but tomorrow was my first day at work. i was looking forward like a little child. in the meantime i was sleeping in the house again. suddenly i heard noises. it was dark and late. i was afraid. who was that?
a swaying person came towards me. the closer he came, the more i saw that it was ethan. he looked cruel.
he dropped down next to me. i asked him in shock what was going on. he told me he had relapsed and was using drugs again. he still had his job but his friends kicked him out. shit he had come so far. he lay down with me and we tried to sleep.

time skip 1 month.

time went by super fast. i had started my job and my boss liked me a lot. she could see me having promotion chances there. i was super happy.
ethen was unfortunately no longer accepted by his friends. i had at least managed to persuade him to stop using drugs for the time being, so that he could at least keep his job. he did his best.
even though it's mean, i was glad that he was by my side again. with him i felt safe at night. we were both earning money now. my boss wanted to help me get an apartment and ethan and i wanting to move in together and rent something together if you would find something nice.
I knew ethan fucked up a lot but I trusted him completely.
we looked at a few apartments but they weren't in our budget, and we wouldn't be able to pay the deposit for a long time. so we continued to sleep in the old broke house.

"i have an outstanding bill with him that i really have to pay or i'm dead! can we stop there when we're in the corner anyway?" ethan asked me when we were on the way.
"you know i prefer to stay away from dangerous situations" i replied.
"he is super nice as long as he gets his money, which is the case" ethan promised me.
i agreed it was already dark and knowing me as ethan does, he took me by the hand and we walked together through the block.
we reached the house. ethan didn't want me to stay outside alone, so i went inside with him.
the room was foggy and there were a few people sitting inside. ethan luckily still didn't let go of my hand.
"yoo ethan there you are finally" someone called and ran up to us "ah you brought someone w you" he smirked "sit down with us. i got a new delivery".
i looked at ethan but he didn't look at me.
"actually we were just in the neighborhood and i got your money like i promised" ethan said.
"since when do we do this in front of ladies. come with me to the kitchen. your girl can sit on the couch" the guy said and looked at me "do you want something to drink?".
i shook my head.
"alright then sit down. my friends don't bite" he laughed and showed me the way to the couch. i was scared so i did as i was told even though he seemed very nice so far. the guy and ethan disappeared into the kitchen and i sat down. i avoided looking around the whole time. i didn't know who was sitting next to me because i avoided eye contact.
"chels is that you?" i heard a familiar voice laughing.
i looked up and saw kell sitting across from me. that was all i needed, the guy i couldn't get out of my head, the guy i was successfully hiding from, was now sitting in front of me.
"hey" i said.
"I didn't think I'd see you again" he laughed.
"um yeah, sorry" i replied. i would have liked to answer 'i hoped so too' but it was better to not.
kells stood up and sat next to me "tell me how is it going?"
puuh, he wasn't mad or anything that i had just left. i told him that my job was going very well. he asked me if i was still sleeping on the street and i answered proudly that i was looking for a place to live. his eyes lit up and he smiled broadly. god he was so sweet. kells told me he finally had another little gig coming up in the next few days.
then finally ethan and the guy came out of the kitchen. i was happy that we could finally leave. but when i saw ethan, i saw that he was high af. he had very surely thrown something in. the two of them laughed and the guy told ethan to take a seat, which he did. then he looked at me and asked if i didn't want to have a drink, since we would be staying longer now. i was super pissed off, but in ethan's condition he really couldn't leave right now.
i turned to ethan and asked quietly what he had taken. he answered me "chill, just some pills".
I felt like crying, it was late, the block was anything but safe and I had to go back to work in the morning.
"shit ethan, you know i have to work in the morning. you said we were only here for you paying the bill". the guy laughed when he heard me "looks like your girl is pissed" and they both laughed.
ethan leaned over to the guy and they sneezed another nose. it was all too much for me. i leaned over to ethan and said "fuck you". i knew it was his addiction but still. i got up said thanks for the hospitality and ran out.
I ran as fast as I could.
i finally reached the house again and was so happy to have made it all the way by myself.

the next few days went by and i still hadn't heard from ethan. i was really worried. after work i went to places where he usually stayed but i didn't see him anywhere. the last place i could imagine to find him was the skate park but i was afraid to see kells there. but my worries for ethan was bigger than seeing kells.
when i reached the skater place i looked at every place where he could have been. but nothing.
"hey chels. didn't think i'd see you again so soon. what are you doing here?" i turned around and kells was standing in front of me. well i had already expected him to be here.
"i'm um- looking for ethan. haven't seen him since the evening" i say low.
kells scratched the back of his neck and looked down at the floor "didn't you hear?" he said in a worried voice.
"what would i have heard?" i asked confused.
"your friend overdosed" kells looked at me worriedly. i started laughing "very funny but seriously you don't joke about that! that's not funny!".
"chels i'm sorry but it's not a joke. joe got bad stuff. he could be saved in the hospital but for your friend it was too late" he looked deep into my eyes.
"that can't be. you're lying, you have to be lying" i said shocked but i saw from kells facial expression that he was 100% serious. tears welled up in my eyes.
"where is he now? why did someone tell me?" i spoke out loud.
"we didn't know where to find you and the hospital said they were contacting his friends and family". he tried to put his hand on my back to calm me down but i slapped it away.
"it can't be" i slumped on the ground. kells bent down to me "i'm seriously sorry". he took me in his arms and i buried my head in his chest and cried like there was no tomorrow. ethan was like a brother. kells tried to calm me down and put his head on mine. after a while i calmed down.
"what are you going to do now? i know he was very close to you" kells asked sympathetically.
"I don't know" I said in a calmer voice until I remembered all our plans we had together. I was all alone again. I started crying again.
"hey everything will be okay" kells tried to calm me down.
"nothing's okay. i had found the perfect apartment for us. it was perfect for us" i slurred. kells wouldn't let me go. he suggested i come with him to his place and i agreed. i wanted to be alone  but was happy not to be alone.my heart was broke.