broke / machine gun kelly

8.

at the funeral  weren't many people there but i knew most of them from school and shit. i felt bad. i was just what i never wanted to be. i thought to myself that ethan would be disappointed in me. i heard jen and chrissi laughing when they saw us. they were like "she really has the nerve to swap up here like that". "i tell you i thought she was going to die first".
I tried to ignore them.
the funeral was over. i didn't cry. i was numb.
we decided to go back when i heard my name.
i turned around and saw kells in front of me. he looked at me in shock "what happened to you?".
"nothing" i replied.
"are you high? chels i don't know you like that" he said worriedly.
"well you don't know me, just like I don't know you" I said.
"i was looking for you. your boss said you had the week off. why did you leave?" he looked at me sadly.
"it was for the best. believe me" i replied and mostly try to convinced myself with my words.
"it doesn't look like it. you look like hell".
"thanks for the complement" i said ironically and wanted to turn around to go back to the others.
"chels please come with us. i beg you. that would not be what your friend would want for you".
"a fuck you know what he would want" i yelled at him.
"but not that you make the same mistake and take drugs. i can't imagine that" he said louder.
"oh fuck you. you take drugs yourself as well" i yelled back.
i turned around but kells grabbed my arm and hugged me tightly.
I tried to resist but I had no chance, he was too strong.
i was really at the end at this point. i was wondering why i destroying my self now. my friends came up to me and told me to go with him. it felt like they were stabbing me in the back, but they only wanted the best for me. "chels you looked good as you came to us and look at you now. im sure he cares about you. he came her only to find you" one of them said.
with that kells threw me over his shoulder and walked to his car.
we didn't say a single word to each other on the way back. when we got to the house, dub and slim and two others i didn't know were sitting on the couch. kells pushed me further into the house and told me to take a shower and that he would bring me clean clothes. i did what he said.
the water on my skin did me good. i sat under the shower for about an hour when there was a knock on the door. "yoo chels, everything good?" it was slim he came in and sat down on the bathroom floor. he couldn't see me through the shower curtain. he started talking to me.
"yo we really want you here. you are one of us now. dont throw your life away" bla bla bla. but he was right. he didnt talked to me like parents would do it was mostly like a very close friend who actually cares. he talked more and i listened more. he told me to come out of the shower slowly and left the bathroom. i did.
they introduced me to their friends mod and matthew aka blackbear as i walked into the livingroom.
in the kitchen was already food for me. of course mac n cheese.
i told them i dont want to eat but kells insisted. i picked at the food. i hadn't eaten in almost a week. i ate some noodles and realized i was going to throw up. i ran to the bathroom and threw up. i had never been that low before, i felt myself slowly sobering up and i didn't like it. kells came in. i told him to get away but he stayed. he sat down next to me and held my hair. he smiled at me but didn't say anything. he was just there for me.
When i was finish with throwing up, we walked back. I said I wanted to sit outside for a while and he nodded.
I sat alone outside on the stairs until mod came out and sat next to me.
he introduced himself again. god he radiated pure energy. he started talking to me and handed me his joint. he said it might help to get sober just from the pills. i took a few puffs and coughed. we laughed.
the dude was crazy but incredibly nice. i donk know why but he lift up my mood. after a few minutes we went back inside and i was finally hungry. mod and i laughed.
"i told you this would help" he said and i smiled at him. we sat down on the couch and ate noodles. i shared my portion with him. kells came into the living room and saw mod and me. he looked puzzled.
"are you high?" he asked me.
i laughed "maybe just a little bit". he gave mod a mad look "you let her smoke?
"why not?" mod laughed . kells was visibly angry at mod, but he sat down next us anyway. mod and i were on the same level, laughing incredibly hard. matthew and the others, on the other hand, sat rather quietly on the couch and talked.
i said that i could eat something sweet now and mod suggested that we could get an ice cream around the corner at the gas station.
i agreed and asked if the others would like some.
they shook their heads. and kells spoke up "but it's already dark".
"but i'm not alone" i smiled and got up from the couch. mod was different somehow. he was super great and i felt really good next to him. it was as if his energy was drifting to me. i think i trusted him right away because i slowly realized that i could really trust kells and the guys. i ran away so many times but they didn't give up on me, rather the opposite.
kells said he would come with us. on the way mod and i ran and jumped through the street like crazy. kells actually just ran after us. we jumped like crazy through the gas station and took the ice cream we wanted. kells told us to calm down a bit but mod just laughed.
on the way back, mod showed me where he lives. but we didn't go in. we walked back and ate our ice cream. mod told me more about his upcoming projects and i was fascinated by his attitude towards life.
we reached the house again.
i walked into the kitchen to get another drink as kells followed me.
it was weird between us since the night at the bar were i saw him with jen.
and today my behave was more different as it always was. i think kells couldn't figure out what was going on with me today. tbh i didn't knew myself at the moment. i wasnt sober. i took another pill after i threw up. that also explained my hyper behavior and i hoped kells or the others wouldn't notice i had more in my system as only weed.
but suddenly kells asked if i had taken another shit.   shit.    i didn't want to lie to him because i knew that's the first thing addicts do.
i looked at the ground and nodded.
"did mod give you this?" he asked super mad. i tried to avoid the eye contact and said "no."
"look at me when i talk to you" his voice scared me tbh.
i looked at him with tears in my eyes "no i didn't get it from him".
he looked at me disappointed "where did the tough girl go that i met weeks ago" he said low. that hit me hard.
"I can leave if you want. I'm sorry" I couldn't look him in the eye.
"no you can stay" he said still mad and left the kitchen.
it was getting late and kells said he wants to go to bed. matthew and mod also said they wanted leave slowly. mod asked me if i wanted to come over tomorrow morning to see his pictures. he gave me his phone number and we said good night.
i decided to sleep on the couch since kells was already in his room and it was to weird between us for me going and sleep next to him in a bed like i did before, after i ran away days ago.