Becky: Daddy, what is that machine doing?
Lenny: It's getting rid of the moths, honey.
Becky: Where's it taking them?
Marcus: Hell.
Lenny: Don't say that, Higgins.
Marcus: I'm sorry. Not hell, Mexico.
Lenny: No, it's giving them electricity so the moths fall asleep electrically.
Becky: It's electrocuting them? No, no, no. But, Daddy, they're dying.
Donna & Charlotte: It's killing them?
Lenny: No.
Becky: Daddy, no.
Lenny: No, no, it's not. Okay? Let me adjust it. Look, they're all all right, I promise you. See? Look at this guy. He's still sleeping.
Greg: It's dead, Dad.
Cassie: *slaps Greg upside the head*
Greg: Ow
Mama: A porch swing. I know what I'm doing this weekend.
Lenny: Now he's dead.
Rob: Welcome back to 1978, everybody. The lake house.
Lenny: Nothing's changed, it's unbelievable. I don't remember this big.
Kurt: This is my kitchen. This is it, right now.
Dianne: Oh, please, enough with the kitchen.
Kurt: Why you so mean?
Cassie: So listen, guys, who's getting what room?
Rob: Actually, I made a map of who gets which room. I took the liberty of reserving the room with the waterbed for Gloria and myself.
Gloria: You're gonna do the backstroke tonight.
Donna: I wanna go swimming with you guys tonight.
Gloria: Oh, honey, we're not really going swimming. What I meant was...
Sally: That's okay. She doesn't need to know what you mean. I don't even know what you mean.
Cassie & Marcus: Oh, I know what she meant.
Eric: Anyway, let's get back to the room picking. Rob, would you like to take us on a tour?
Rob: I'd love to show you a tour. Gloria was just trying to be cool.
Mama: I need someplace near a bathroom.
Donna: Why does the grandma get to go swimming and I don't?
Rob: Okay, here's the big daddy. The master bedroom.
Lenny: let the kids have it. It's a fun time for the kids to be together and they can do kids' things.
Cassie: Come on, go share it. Share the master bedroom.
Keithie: Hey. What's the big box attached to the back of the TV?
Cassie: That's the rest of the TV. Idiot. They didn't always have flat screens there, sport.
Greg: Wow, that is some Stone Age shiznit.
Mama: I need a room with heat.
Kurt: It's summer. It's like 95 degrees in here.
Mama: There he goes again. I got bunions.
Outside
Lenny: So, what's with that Labradoodle? It sounds like Stephen Hawking.
Eric: Curly, he had his vocal cords clipped. A neighbor filed a complaint so it was either clip the cords or put Curly down.
Kurt: Wrong choice.
Eric: Come on, he's part of the family, you know?
Kurt: Imagine when a burglar comes over and hears that. He must run in terror. "Wow, what's that turkey doing in the house?"
Marcus: By the way, Lamonsoff, your son. What's with the boob thing? Isn't the kid a little old?
Kurt: He'll be rubbing her boob with his beard soon. He's gonna get a milk mustache on a real mustache. That won't look right.
Chain saw pedicure, 50 points.
Lenny: Why are they inside right now, anyways? Why would they not come out here and enjoy the lake or do something in the woods?
Eric: There wasn't a time of day that I wasn't outside.
Marcus: You know, we weren't. We were always... We were never in.
All heads on deck!
Greg: Look, there's blood squirting everywhere!
Keithie: I can't take it anymore. Chop his arms off.
Lenny gets tired of hearing the kids scream, he gets up and runs inside
Eric: Oh, he's being a dad. Look at this.
Greg: Dad. Don't, Dad. My high score.
Lenny: That's it. No more video games. No more cell phones. No more texting. Just from now on, while we're here, stay outside and play.
Keithie: What are we supposed to do?
Lenny: Just play like normal kids. Come on, move it. Where's Becky?
The other guys run inside to get their kids while Lenny finds Cassie reading a book so he leaves her alone and meets everyone outside. They start walking in the woods
Lenny: Let's go. Let me show you how the Pilgrims used to hang.
Kurt: When we were kids, your dad used to talk us into doing the craziest stuff.
Eric: Yeah, I remember one time, we got our shower curtains put them in shopping carts and went shopping cart sailing.
Andre: Wait, how did you steer?
Eric: Well, we didn't.
Greg: How'd you stop?
Lenny: You just smashed into something. That was the fun part. Okay. Look, look. Make a tree fort. I'll get you started.
Eric: Rob lived in one of those for a year.
Greg: Why?
Rob: My dad took away my roller skates.
Marcus: oh Vietnam flashback.
Lenny: Wait a minute. Are you kidding me? Rope on a tree, baby. You know what that means.
Charlotte: We get to hang ourselves?
Lenny: You see a rope and a lake and that doesn't make you wanna go nuts?
Eric: It makes me... You know what? You know what, let me show them.
Lenny: Dude, get up on the top rock.
Eric: Yeah, you're right. You gotta back it up, back it up.
Eric gets on the top rock holding the rope
Eric: The class is in session. Who wants to see a double flip?
Eric swings
Eric: Too high.
Greg: Now drop.
Eric: This was a mistake. I can't let go, I'm too scared.
Eric hits a tree then falls
Keithie: That was awesome.
Eric: Oh, God. Oh, God, my leg's snapped. Oh, my God, the bone's sticking out. I need help.
Everyone gets scared and worried
Eric: It's a stick. I got you.
Becky: Daddy, that bird is hurt.
Lenny: Oh, my God. I'll go get a shoebox.
Marcus: Here you go. Hey, did you really land on that bird, man?
Eric: I'm not sure. I did hear a chirp and a crunch-like noise, but that could've been anything.
