Happenstance (LGBTQ) [Editing]

One

Equilibrium is the word I'd choose if I had to pick my favorite word. It's basically a fancy way of saying having balance. I'd choose it because it describes my identity perfectly. The self-concept took years to develop with time. Being balanced, equal is what I constantly strive for in my daily life. It seems as if even the universe itself is committed to upholding it as well more so than any sole human ever could.

Let me explain further.

I hate putting a label on myself but I'm what the average person in today's society would call a freak. Abnormal because I'm unnatural. For a time a long time, I believed these opinions about me. I thought those hateful looks and nasty reactions were warranted toward me because they were true.

You are a freak, Elliott. You aren't normal because of who you are. I believed these things.

Not anymore though. Today I can happily say with the help of an expansive amount of therapy, and parental support I love who I am. I love myself and wouldn't change me. Even through my imperfections, I am uniquely perfect just the way I am.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Sounds like my cellphone. It makes a distracting noise inside the classroom. A sea of faces turn facing me. The moment can't get any more embarrassing.

But I'm soon proven wrong when my cellphone starts ringing loudly again.

Shit, I must have forgotten to silence it again.

"Elliott would you please silence your device!"

Barks out annoying Professor Volpe.

"Yes, professor."

He has this condescending look aimed straight at me. Even with me being seated all the way in the back of the class. Where I should be camouflaged within the cluster of other students.

Quickly with haste, I withdrew my phone and go about putting it on vibrate. Thankfully it's not able to ring a third time.

The class focuses back on Professor Volpe's lecture about triage and the steps in crisis intervention procedures. I tried to do so too but the sudden tickle of my device in my palm calls for attention.

Carefully I sneak a peak at the screen of my phone seeing my mom frantically texting.

What could be the emergency for her to be calling me knowing I'm in class?

I unlock my phone and scroll to my messages from her.

Call me as soon as you read this!

Please it's code red!!!!

Code red was our way of identifying how serious something is. There are three levels code green, which is good news, code yellow something upsetting or bad but doesn't need immediate attention and last but not least code red, which is for something really bad. In other words, the sky is fucking falling badly. Code red could only mean something terrible occurred.

Frantically I started packing up my belongings. Trying my best not to create too much noise that would distract those around me. But there is no use. By the time my notebook, handouts, and pen are shoved into my backpack, Professor Volpe is already screwing up his forehead up at me.

If this was any other time I'd be a nervous wreck that my professor is looking at me like this. I ignore him and everyone else staring at me. I grabbed my bag put one strap over my shoulder and start making my way through the aisle.

Which is difficult since the seating in this lecture hall is sandwiched together. There is barely any space to move when everyone is seated as their bags and feet block the path.

"Excuse me, please. Excuse me. Sorry."

I whisper to those in my way. Heading out the aisle after eight students who make it so I can pass. As I step down the steps leading down to the nearest exit I hear him.

"Elliott! Where do you think you're going? I'm in the middle of the lecture. Class is not dismissed!"

Professor Volpe all but screams at me. I turned to him, seeing his face turning red with anger that I'd interrupt his class.

"I have an emergency Professor Volpe. I apologize but I have to go. I'm sorry for interrupting your class." I quickly explain.

But this doesn't suffice as he slaps his courser down onto his desk. I jump at the loud sound almost missing a step but continue on my way through the doors. After I've come through I hear yelling as the professor lets out his dislike for me.

This doesn't matter now though. My mom texts me code red. Speaking of I need to call her to find out what's wrong. I'm hoping this wasn't a false alarm because if so I'm going to have a crazy time explaining this to Professor Volpe when I see him next time.

I dial her. She answers on the first ring.

"Mom. What happened!?"

I hear her crying loudly in the background. Sounding distraught.

"E-Elliott. How could this happen? H-how could..."

"Mom!" I yell cutting off her incoherent babbling. "What happened? You're not making any sense."

I hear her cough and sniffle as she gathers her thoughts. She cries softly again not saying anything. She's really worrying me. She never sounds like this, ever.

What could have happened to shake her up?

"It's our home. There was a fire."

Wait. What? A fire.

"What do you mean there was a fire?"

"Our house somehow caught on fire. The fire spread and we've lost every baby?"

Oh my god. Fire. Our home caught on fire.

"Mom. Please tell me you're mistaken. Are you sure it is our house?"

Now I'm crying too. I've stopped walking squatting near the doors I just exit.

How could this happen? Maybe she's wrong? Maybe it wasn't our house? Maybe...

"Elliott baby, I'm sure. Karen called me and told me. She wouldn't lie about this. I just got off the phone with her."

Fuck. Why? Why did this happen to us?

"Mom. How could there be a fire? We always unplug everything. You don't even leave the microwave plugged in for God's sake. So how. How was there a fire?"

I whisper the last part. Holding my blouse tight. Inside my chest, my heart is tightening as my heart rate speeds up and sweat prickles my skin. My breathing becomes labored as this whole thing is stressing me out.

An hour ago my biggest worry was how I'd stay awake during Volpe's class. Now it's where we're going to live.

"Breathe baby breathe. Elliott, I need you to breathe for me, sweetheart. I don't want you to have a panic attack. Please baby for your mother's sake."

The calming voice of my mom lulls a wisp of air back into my nose straight to my lungs, I needed to center myself. In and out. In and out, I breathe in slowly and exhaled air as she commanded.

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