Holding On

XIII

"How could someone ever think we were brothers?" Loki asked as he looked out onto the city. Lights poured into the sky, shielding the stars from view. He had sat here so many times before, but never with Thor, never with his brother. "We don't even look related. You're strong and bulky, I'm lean and scrawny. You have sun-bleached hair, I have hair the color of a raven." He turned his gaze to Thor, watching for his reaction to Loki's comments. But Thor only continued to look out onto the city. A gust of wind blew his hair into his face, shielding it from Loki's view.

"I like to think that brothers start by blood," Thor turned his head to meet Loki's eyes, "but they eventually form into friendships." He held Loki's gaze, refusing to back down. Refusing to once again let his brother go. A weak smile pulled at the corner of Loki's lips. He knew that he could never be the brother that Thor had craved or the son that Odin had always wanted him to be, but he could try, he could pretend. Anything to make his brother happy.

Their conversation quickly ended as Tony stormed to the top of the building. "He touched my stuff again," he huffed. Thor rolled his eyes at the man's child-like complaining. "He's from the goddamn forties, if he doesn't know how to use it then he shouldn't touch it. Four Hundred dollars of equipment that man has made me replace. You would think the guy would learn, but oh no - he never does!"

Loki chuckled at the last part earning a glare from Tony, but he paid no mind. Tony reminded Loki of himself when he was younger, ranting to his mother about how Thor had touched something of his. You must share Loki, his mother had said when his ranting was finished. But he broke it, Loki would fire back. At the time he was upset his mother didn't agree with him, but now as he looked back he realized how foolish he had been.

In his memories, he turned to Thor to see if he too remembered their younger years. It seemed he did as seconds later a wide smile broke through his face, turning into a fit of laughter. Loki soon followed his brother, laughing heartily. Tony stared at the two Asgardians. He didn't know what stunned him more: the fact that they were laughing together, or that they were laughing at him.

"You two are useless," he sharply turned on his heels and walked away. Thor whipped a tear from his eye as he saw the man leave them. His laughing slowed to a small chuckle and eventually to nothing. Loki's did too, leaving silence all around them. It wasn't uncomfortable, rather peaceful actually. It made Loki feel good knowing that he had made somewhat of amends with his brother.

The words replayed in his head. You know me. How could he forget someone? It wasn't like he had known all of Asgard, people were never one of his skills, he left that to Thor. So how could he have forgotten one of the few people he had known? How could someone just drift away from his memory?

The questions haunted him for days, tugging at the back of his brain. Loki would never truly admit to himself the reason he was so upset about not remembering someone, but if you knew him well you could see his fear shining bright in his eyes. The thought of being left behind, forgotten to a point where no one remembers you scared him more than anything in the world. Maybe that was why he was so determined to discover the mystery figure.

He worked for weeks on end. The library grew to be his new place of comfort as he hid among the books, looking for answers to his questions. Occasionally Peter would join him, and he would find himself pausing his research to help the spider boy with his homework. If the others saw their bond growing they never said or did anything to stop the two.

On another day of impatient searching, a thought hurdled to Loki's head. How had he not thought about this before? Wanda, that was who he needed. He leaped out of his chair. The book that once lay in his lap was thrown to the ground amongst all his chaos. Out of the library, Loki ran, his feet barely touching the polished ground as he sprinted to find Wanda. He was going to remember one way or another.