Sundance

9. Shelter from the rain (Izuna)

I was still panting.

My muscles ached with lactic acid. No matter how many Tabata intervals I practiced each week, my muscles aches doing this. I looked down on my arms, covered in bruises.

This is not sustainable.

I knew I should stop. I knew I should stop immediately. But instead, I stood up, took my lighter, lit it, lit my equipment on fire once more.

Maybe this time...

But why would this time be any better? On the contrary, it would be worse because I had no strength left since I had been training for three hours, and I had no belief that I would succeed. At all.

Yet, I grabbed my blocks with both hands, lifted my body, pushed myself up in a handstand.

Or tried to.

My hand slipped, and I fell.

And I fell badly.

My face hit one of the blocks on my way down, on my cheekbone, dangerously close to my eye. But even if I was spared my eyesight, I heard a crack in my skull.

The pain was unbelievable.

And I screamed.

"Izuna!!"

Someone knelt beside me.

No... No... I can't deal with you right now.

Hashirama put his hands on my shoulders.

"What are you doing to yourself?!" he shouted, panicking.

Please... Please stop.

"Leave me be", I murmured so silently, I didn't even know if he heard.

"What are you doing to yourself?!" he repeated, sounding terrified.

"How long have you been watching me?" I asked.

"I just came in! I was looking for you! Haven't seen you since before the party and then I find you doing this?! Izuna, what on Earth were you thinking! Not only is it crystal clear you're tired but to do this!!" He was talking about my equipment. "You need someone to train you!" He was on a rant now. Shut up... Please, please shut up... "How can you be so irresponsible? So selfish?! How is your face?!" He grabbed my face, and I tried to hit his hands away which only made him grab it even harsher.

I screamed out in pain.

"Oh, God! So sorry!"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I screamed, and Hashirama jerked. "Can't you see you're suffocating me?! I've hurt my skull and all you can think about is what I should do differently so you don't have to worry!" Hashirama looked incredibly hurt by this, but I also saw that he knew there lay some truth behind my words. "I don't want this", I whispered.

And as I said it, I knew it was over.

"What?" he whispered.

"I can't do this. You're suffocating me in your desire to be my partner. I don't want it. I don't want your obsession with me."

Hashirama just stared. He had said he was reaching his end only days ago. Apparently, he hadn't put that much thought into what it actually meant. I tried to feel any regret, but couldn't. There was only relief.

He rose up, took a few steps back.

Then, he turned and left.