Stuck in the Elevator Again | ONC 2022

Loop 4.1

Last edited: 25/4/2022
[Roselyn]

The hum of the fan above is the only thing heard in the occluded rectangular container.

My lips flatten into a tight line as my taut lungs attempt to suck in as much oxygen as possible.

Images of the previous time loop flash in my mind, reminding me of the wicked things I've done. The unforgivable actions I've made.

Dirty.

Sinful.

Cruel.

Deplorable.

Unworthy.

My lungs constrict as I let out a miserable hiccup. Am I truly unworthy to live, due to the lives I had taken?

"Everyone is worthy to live, despite whatever mistakes they make. Even though you have made an unforgivable mistake, no matter to you or others, it does not mean you or others can fiddle with your life and decide whether you deserve to die. Everyone is entitled to live, but no one has the right to decide when it ends. Not even yourself."

My father's words suddenly ring in my brain, his grave but calm tone washing away the franticness that is pulsing in my veins.

"Never give up on yourself. Embrace your mistakes, remember them, and never make the same mistake again. As long as you know what you did wrong and never err again, you are worthy to be forgiven."

True. No one can alter my life. If fate has chosen for me to make those mistakes, I shall accept them as part of my failures. Besides, it was their fault that I wanted to kill. It was never my intention, and it will never be. It will always remain theirs.

I cannot let fear rule me. I must rule fear.

I have to stay positive and be myself, such that I will not break apart in such dangerous times.

As fear fades from my system, I finally get a hold of myself and wipe the fragile emotions from my face.

A familiar jolt makes me bump my forehead onto the wall, eliciting a groan from the back of my throat.

This is when the gears of my mind start working and realization crashes into me.

I have forgotten about Mr. Uburg. Again.

Fuck. Not again.

I snap my head backward as my body swishes around, my eyes locating the figure curled up into a tight ball in the corner.

"Mr. Uburg?"

Silence.

I tentatively take a tiny step forward, my body crouching low as my eyes study Mr. Uburg's profile. His head and shoulders are touching the wall, his knees are against his chest, his arms are hugging his legs, and his head is buried in between the gap between his legs and the wall.

"Mr. Uburg?"

No response.

I frown as the memories of the previous loops replay in my mind. He has been in a similar position for the first loop, and his escape-like scutter in the third loop...

Something's wrong.

Just as if something's wrong with me.

I suck my right cheek in between my teeth as frustration flows through me. What the heck should I do? I'm no psychologist. I'm just plain old Rose with some traumas and fears.

After debating in my mind on whether I should just leave him like that, or try to "wake" him up — however that should be done — my empathetic side wins. I make a small step forward and gently shake his shoulder.