Skateboards and Cameras | Karlnap

Chapter 21 ~ Mudita

Mudita adj

 joy; especially sympathetic or vicarious joy, or the pleasure that comes from delighting in other people's well-being

Sapnap pov

It has been a week since I asked Karl to be my boyfriend. A week full of hand holding under tables, quick round the corner pecks where no one can see, and longer hugs which did make people bat an eye but not enough to question out loud. 

I figured some people might have figured it out by now but as the days continue, I get more confident with who I am, and that is all thanks to Karl. He is a big worry bug and I have come to notice that after the last few days. He always would ask "is this okay?" or "people may see are you sure you wanna?" always keeping my feelings at heart which I have continued to love more. 

We have spent many late nights in each others discord DMs getting told off from our parents from laughing too loud or having our lights on past midnight but it only made us enjoy it more. 

Karl even came over to my house a few days ago and met my siblings and my mom and lets just say the littles adore him. They were practically all over him the whole time and Karl being Karl just went with it. At first I was a little upset with how much attention Ander and Kamdyn were taking from Karl but that feeling dissipated as I watched Karl's huge smile on his face as he talked to them.

A little later when we escaped into my room to watch Promised Neverland and cuddle under the blankets without people barging in. I found out that he always wanted a younger sibling. I held him tighter after he said that. I can understand where he was coming from, no matter how annoying they would be they were someone to rely on and a built in friend.

When Karl left both Ander and Kamdyn asked when he would be coming back and I just shaked my head and laughed, when I walked into the kitchen mom asked the same thing. At least I don't need to worry about them not liking him as it seems everyone has already grown fond of him. That's how Karl works, no one can hate him, he is just too lovable to hate. 

Speaking about 'love', I think I'm ready. 

Karl and I have been talking a lot over the past week and I finally feel like I am ready to tell them, all of them, all my friends and family. Which is still easier said than done, even if you are 100% ready. 

That's what happened last night, at dinner, I told my family. 

My dad was home for dinner today and I thought it was the perfect excuse to do it. Plus I didn't have much to worry about since mom has already expressed she is perfectly fine with the idea and even if my father keeps asking me if I have a girlfriend I know that he will come around, or at least my mom would make him come around. 

However, the whole time I was sitting at the table my hands were shaking and my foot was thumping on the ground, up and down in anxiousness. I lost my appetite quickly but I still made it look like I was hungry and tried to eat. 

Ander was babbling on about something that happened at school today with my mom so I took the minute to control myself because I was ready. I am ready, but I'm terrified, despite knowing it will go well. 

The hardest thing a person can do is be truthful. The truth is vulnerable, its weak, but I wanted people to know me, who I am, and the truth. It never comes easily, but I will allow it because it will make me happier in the long run. 

"Mom, dad." I spoke up. "I have a little announcement." 

Its times like these that I wish I had Karl's supportive voice whispering in my ear letting me know everything was going to be okay, even just a hand hold. But I was alone, I needed to do this alone.