Murray shook himself from trunk to tail, trying to fluff out his thin hair. He peered at his reflection in the pool and tried to convince himself he didn't look half-bad. Resigned, he waited for Juanito and Fido to pick him up. Despite all previous experience, they were headed to Le Bar Tar Pits to try to meet chicks.
The Columbian mammoth, the saber-tooth tiger, and the dire wolf arrived at the Pits. They found a spot near the bar, and ordered. They drank slowly, nursing their beers.
The full moon rose in the sky as the Pits filled with lonely bachelors and bachelorettes. Slowly they paired up. Juanito finished his second beer, and said, "I'm going to talk to that molly with the sharp canines and dark fur."
"Don't call yourself a Smilodon this time," Murray said. "She-cats think it's tacky."
"Gotcha," said Juanito. His pals heard him say, "Hello, kitters, want to chase some mice?" They flinched. With one roundhouse punch her paw connected with his head. Juanito slunk back.
"He's gonna need another beer," Murray said to the bartender.
"Make it a boilermaker," said Fido.
A dire wolf slowed down as she passed, checking out Fido. His ears pricked. She huffed and walked on. Fido drooped. "I'm going to howl at the moon."
Murray ordered another beer. He tried chatting up a few cows, but the girls wanted the mastodons, with their thick fur coats. He was bigger than them, but bald in comparison.
A couple of mammoth cows came to the bar and ordered browse and beers. Murray nodded at them, but they returned tiny nods and turned their backs.
A musical howl sounded as Fido began the loneliness lament of his people. He's got a fine howl, Murray thought.
A second howl joined Fido's. A lovely, pale dire-wolf sat beside him and sang along. They inched closer together as Murray and Juanito watched in disbelief.
"Is she picking him up?" Murray asked, as the two trotted into the grass.
Juanito said, "Maybe there's hope for us."
A saber-tooth she-cat with fine whiskers trotted past them. A male following her said, "Hey, Lois, wait up. Don't go away mad."
She turned and hissed. "Go away, Arnold. Permanently."
"Been there," Murray whispered. Juanito nodded.
The male cat tried to sniff her and she yowled.
Juanito roared with a fine loud roar. He copied the roundhouse punch he gotten and knocked the male head over heels. Arnold trotted far away.
Lois looked at Juanito. "Thanks. What's your name, big fella?" Juanito stared at her, wordless.
"Juanito," said Murray.
"Juanito," said Lois, "Why don't you buy me a beer?" Arnold nodded speechlessly.
Twice? Murray wondered.
The cow next to him spilled her beer. "Sorry. Did I get some on you?"
"No. It's ir-elephant."
She gawked, then trumpeted. "AWONK! I love puns. And a fella with a sense of humor. Tell me another."
"I'll attempt the tusk you sent me, miss."
"AWONK! AWONK!" She looked at him from under her lashes. "I'm Ellie."
"I'm Murray. Get you another beer, Ellie?"
She nodded.
"Bartender!"
