Confessions About The Affair

17

Sabrina's POV

I'M CONFLICTED. I know that I only asked Veronica out to get a reaction out of Gemma. But why? Sure, Veronica's attractive, and she's got a pair of the softest lips I've encountered, but it's never been about Veronica.

While kissing Veronica, all I could think about was how mad Gemma is going to be. How pissed she'll get because she'll be so jealous that I'm with another woman.

But she doesn't seem to care. She only cares because she loves Veronica? That's hard for me to process.

That makes me insignificant. It means that Gemma doesn't care about me. She doesn't want me...

I want to pull my hair out. Gemma has never been the love of my life, not even close to it. But she might have been the best relationship I've ever had. She treated me so good. I've never felt someone care for me the way she did.

In some ways, I regret ever letting her go. But I couldn't stay with her either. I didn't love her the way I should love a person. But I know that she once loved me. Her loving me made me feel whole. It made me feel worthy. And the idea of that being completely gone—that the one person who made me realize that I'm worthy of love thinks... maybe I'm not worthy of love at all.

I wipe the tears from my eyes, and get into my car. Driving to Jack's office, I consider what I want to say to him. Everything. I'm done trying to cover up a past that I don't regret. I won't feel ashamed about the things that made me happy. Not anymore.

"Mom, are you okay?"

I close the door to his office, and begin to pace the room, "there's something I need to say, Jack."

"Okay, what is it?" He sits at his desk patiently, his hands clasped on his desk.

"You're not crazy, Jack. And it's time for you to know the truth..." I pause and try to catch my breath. What am I doing? I can't... just say it before you change your mind! "I'm bisexual," I let out a heavy breath, "there. I said it," suck that, Gemma.

"Well," he claps his hands, "I'm proud of you for admitting it. But I honestly thought that you'd tell me you're a lesbian instead."

I look at him bewildered, "I've been with men my entire life. I'm not a full lesbian."

"So you're bisexual. I'm just glad you've come to terms with your sexuality," he says.

"And you're not judging me?"

He shakes his head, and stands up. Walking over to me, he stretches his arms out, before pulling me into a hug, "should I throw you a coming out party?"

I smack him on his back, "no. And don't mention this to your grandparents. I don't need to be the cause of their deaths."

"Yeah, no. If anyone's ever going to tell them, it's going to be you. They still hate me for having premarital sex with my highschool girlfriend," gosh, don't remind me about the lecturing I got of how much of a bad mother I am for that incident.

"They don't need to know, do they?" I shudder by just the thought of telling my parents that I like women.

"That's for you to figure out, mom. Now, why don't you tell me a little bit about you and Gemma's relationship?" He pulls away, and I stand there completely frozen, "I've got some free time, I'd like you to answer some questions that've been on my mind."

"Really, now?"

"Yes, before you change your mind, and tell me you were drugged into confessing that you're bisexual."

I glare at him. That's not funny, "fine, sit."

We sit on the couch in his office, and I hesitantly tell him about my affair with Gemma. It may be one of the hardest things that I've ever done. But I need to do it. I can't let it be baggage to carry any longer.